Hola, Bachelorette fans! This week’s European adventure reminded me of a line from My Fair Lady: ”The pain in Spain falls mainly on the plain Jane.” Isn’t that how it goes? Anyhow, even though man-related heartbreak followed poor Jillian all the way across the ocean, we do have one thing to celebrate this week: the long, long, long, long, looooooong overdue departure of Wes. To paraphrase another movie musical, ”Ding dong, the wicked d–k is dead!”
The episode starts with a lot of filler. Strolling the streets of Madrid, Jillian reflects on the final four guys: Kipper is the ”perfect package” (translation: ”I’m not good enough for him”); Reid is the guy she has lots of ”physical chemistry” with (translation: ”all we have in common is a mutual desire to have hot animal sex”); Ed is ”only about his career” (translation: ”I’m worried he’s going to make me an IT widow”); and Wes is ”far, far from perfect” (translation: ”He’s destined to make me miserable, which is exactly what I’m looking for”).
Kiptyn gets the first date. (Of course he does.) Jillian must have brought her insecurities along in an extra suitcase, because she still can’t get past how ”perfect” he is: ”Maybe Kiptyn’s out of my league and maybe he really isn’t falling for me.” She and Kipper take a walk through the park, a ”place of culture and excitement.” It’s also a place of subtle dream-crushing: As they chillax by a pond, Kiptyn reveals that even though things have been ”better than expected…a proposal seems far off.” Okay, as much as this guy annoys me, at least he realizes that getting engaged after eight weeks is completely ridiculous. And she does NOT love it. ”Would you normally get engaged this quick? No.” admits Jillian. ”But it’s about…taking a leap of faith.”
Shake it off, Jillian, because you’ve got some dancin’ to do. She and Kip head to a flamenco studio for a lesson from Maria and Ricardo. Much to Kipper’s chagrin, the lesson comes with traditional costumes. ”It definitely was not the most flattering thing I’ve ever worn. The kicker was the pants, which were…tight.” (Don’t flatter yourself, pal.) They do an awkward but playful dance, and it makes Jillian hopeful. ”I think today I saw a side of Kiptyn I’ve been waiting to see — that side of him that is able to poke fun at himself and just be goofy, be not perfect.” Frankly, I don’t think this guy has any trouble not being perfect, but maybe that’s just me.
At dinner, Kiptyn, joking about the aforementioned tight pants, accidentally stumbles into the ”Do you want kids?” conversation. (Short answer: He does; she really does.) After a brief escargot break, talk then segues into Daddy issues of another kind — apparently Kipper reminds Jillian of her father. ”Sometimes my mom wears the pants a little too much,” she tells him, ”and the thing that I worry about is that you’re so generous and so kind and so sweet that you’d never tell me like, that I was offside when I was offside.” He mumbles something like, ”If I have an opinion…you’ll know.” Good enough!
The Fantasy Suite card arrives, and it seems like Kipper’s got it in the bag — but hold up! ”I don’t think I’m ready to spend an entire night with somebody yet,” Jillian tells him, though she does offer the tantalizing option to ”cuddle a little bit” (every man’s four favorite words). While Kip says that he ”respects her thoughts,” I’ll bet this is the first time anyone has said no to Kipper. And I LOVE it. Just for fun, Jillian brings him to the fantasy suite, where they stroll past a GIANT red bed — the camera lingers on it, as if to taunt Kipper: You’re not sleeping on this tonight, sucker! After some heavy cuddling, Jillian makes good on her word and kicks him out, leaving Kipper to take a lonely walk back to his own Reality Suite.
NEXT PAGE: Jillian keeps bachelor number 2 out of the Fantasy Suite