Guess what, Bachelorette fans? We’ve made it past the halfway point of Jillian’s ”journey.” Take a moment to congratulate yourselves for getting this far. Now take a moment to ask yourselves this question: Do any of the five men left really qualify as suitable mate material for our beloved Bachelorette? I think we all know the answer to that, but before we issue a verdict, let’s review the evidence.
It’s another lovely morning in Whistler as Harrison greets the final eight bachelors in the hotel. He tells them the particulars of the week — one group date, two one-on-one dates, and the five who make the cut get to take Jillian home — and then orders the guys to pack their bags. It seems that our peripatetic Bachelorette is on the move again, and this time she’s taking the guys on the Rocky Mountaineer for a picturesque train ride across British Columbia. (Side note: How is it possible that Tanner is 30 years of age and has never been on a train? Do they not have rail travel in Brownfield, Texas?)
Jillian is still feeling a little glum after the whole Ed situation, so she gives Robby the first one-on-one date. Robby? Really? As you may have learned from our Bachelor Burning Questions gallery, both the producers and the Bachelor/Bachelorette have a say in which contestants get the one-on-one dates — and this seems like a case where the producers’ wishes outweighed Jillian’s. She’s never once exhibited any real interest in him. Not that Robby has noticed — he’s ”walking on air” and excited to impress Jillian with his cocktail making skills. She gives him with a chaste peck on the cheek and this ringing endorsement: ”When I’m around Robby, I feel like I’m five or 10 years younger.” (Last week she said Michael made her feel like she was ”19 again.” Jillian, you’re only 29! What’s gone wrong in your life to make you feel so old?)
At dinner, Robby says his dad ”couldn’t be happier” that his son went on a reality show to find a mate, because none of his three siblings are married yet. ”They call it the Descant curse… Every one of them think that I’m going to be the one to get married first.” The Bachelorette is encouraged, but she still needs to find out if Robby is ”ready to start a family” soon. Yes, because who wouldn’t want to have children with a 25-year-old bartender who’s ”kind of in between jobs right now”? Anyhow, Robby vagues it up and says he’s ”just looking for someone to be with.” Unfortunately that’s not enough to keep him on board. Explains Jillian, ”I’m not sure he’s thought about where he’s going to live and how he’s going to pay the bills.” Cue the screeching brakes! It’s time to throw Robby from the train. In a rare act of kindness from Team Bachelorette, the Rocky Mountaineer comes to a full stop before ejecting the spurned suitor. ”I guess the Descant curse to not get married is alive and well,” sighs Robby, ”because here I am on the damn train tracks.”
Ok, that was slightly entertaining. Still, so far this episode has been lacking in the drama department. The producers have definitely noticed, because all of a sudden they’ve decided to turn Wes’ jackassery up to 11. All season Team Bachelorette has been positioning Wes as a lying, manipulative jerk who’s only there to further his ”music” ”career” — and he’s given them plenty of material to fuel their symbiotic relationship. But up until now they’ve used a firm editing hand to keep his jerky antics from going over the top. All that changed tonight.
NEXT: Wes peels off his skin to reveal the reptile underneath; Tanner peels off his pants