Wow, is poor Jillian ever going to catch a break? After the whole Girlfriendgate situation last week and the unexpected departure of one of her favorite suitors this week, our Bachelorette is really being put through the fake-romance wringer. The way things are going, I wouldn’t be surprised if next week we find out that all of the bachelors are actually married women in disguise.
This somber episode of The Bachelorette opens in Jillian’s hotel room in Whistler, British Columbia, where she’s unpacking, second-guessing herself, and gazing pensively out the window. ”Part of me hopes so much that the guys who have girlfriends are not those guys who I’ve been starting to fall for,” she says. (Wait — only part of her hopes that?) The guys arrive, and after she shows them around their suite, Jillian presents the guys with a date card, which she appears to pull out of her pants.
Finally, Michael gets a one-on-one date! Woot! But wait — why am I getting so excited? She’s never going to choose him; he’s too young, too nice, and too short (she likes ’em ”big” and ”bulky,” like Ed). Plus he screams a little too much. But Michael has no doubt that he’s a contender. ”I honestly think that I kind of like her the most out of all the guys in the house right now.” While the date card said ”Come fly with me,” for once the outing does not involve a helicopter. Instead, the Bachelorette is taking the break dancer on a zip-line adventure. Despite the rain, Jillian and Michael seem to have a good time — though I couldn’t quite hear what they were talking about because Jillian’s repeated dolphin squeals punctured my left eardrum.
While Michael is definitely in his element while zipping over a snowy valley with Jillian, during dinner — held in a fancy wine cellar — he looks as uncomfortable as a teenager whose parents forced him to put on a coat and tie for a family portrait. Perhaps it’s because Jillian puts him right on the spot: ”If you found somebody and fell in love, would you be ready to settle down?” His response (”I am a cheesy-ass, like, helpless romantic, fall in love if a girl kisses me on the mouth kind of guy”) is awkward, but it’s also kind of adorable. That, combined with his dorky admission that he hasn’t dated ”a girl or a man” since his breakup eight months ago, is enough to convince Jillian that Michael deserves the date rose. My happiness for him is dampened by the congratulatory hug she gives him — and by the fact that when he tries to kiss her, Jillian declines to turn toward him, leaving Michael with a mouthful of chin. If there’s one thing we know by now, it’s that if this girl likes you, she’s gonna kiss you. A hug = future rejection.
Day two in Whistler arrives. It’s group date time, and Jillian has two objectives: she’s going to take Wes, Robby, Kiptyn, Tanner, Ed, Reid, and Mark snowmobiling, and she’s also determined to uncover who Mr. Wrong Reasons really is. ”I am going to be looking at each guy on his own and I will be thinking to myself, ‘Why is he here? Is he really here for the right reasons?’ If you had a girlfriend before you came here, I want to know. If you came here because you want to be on TV, I want to know.” Robby, who gets to ride tandem with Jillian on her snowmobile, quickly apologizes to the Bachelorette for ranting at the last rose ceremony about how he and Michael got ”screwed.” It’s just that he’s a lot more ”emotionally committed” than he thought he was. Taking the Bachelorette by the hand, he tells her, ”I’m ready to do this.” She likes it, but Robby still gets the Hug of Inevitable Future Rejection.
NEXT PAGE: Hey, did you guys know Wes has a CD coming out?