Confessions abounded on last night’s show, so I’ll start off by admitting that I’m having trouble committing to DeAnna. I believe in sisterhood, but when DeAnna’s smile goes turbo and her lips stretch just a little too deeply into her cheeks, I just get a fake feeling. Would she and I ever be compatible as friends? In high school, I lived on the fringe of the ”popular people,” and more than once wrote editorials that questioned their power and privilege at school. I knew them, they knew me; some of us were good friends. Others felt it necessary to bring up said editorials at our recent 20th high school reunion. (Guess I made an impression. I stand by my opinion, though, that ”Beauty and Brawn” was a silly, archaic award that had no place in ’80s high school campus culture.) I keep finding myself wondering whether DeAnna would have been a member of that elite. I just don’t know yet. And I don’t know what this confession will get me.
But real estate attorney Jeremy’s dugout confession to DeAnna at the Dodger Stadium group date helped get him another week of living in the mansion with our bachelorette. To spice up things this season, we got a new rule: The three bachelors who are given roses on dates get to stay in the main house with DeAnna, while the other shlubs have to bunk down (literally, in bunk beds with cute cowboy sheets) in the guest house, which also lacks an indoor shower. And that is the second spicy new addition: The guest house only has an outdoor shower — without doors. Can you imagine if they tried that during a season of The Bachelor? (Do you think that could be something they’re contemplating?) Anyway, of course pool-diving, bikini-wearing Canadian Paul was the first to give the shower a try. (Cue the black bar to obscure anything scandalous.) In next week’s preview, we saw the bachelors go on Ellen and drop trou at her command. They all had Ellen boxers on, so we’re still family-friendly. I’m wondering which of the guys, if any, will be the first to complain about being objectified. Ryan’s the first to come to mind, but the self-described nonconformist is out of the race. By the way, did anyone else find it curious that the virgin envied Jason’s close physical proximity with DeAnna during the magic-box disappearing act?
Anyway, back to the confessions. Ryan confessed to all the guys he’s a virgin. Jason confessed to all the guys he’s got a 3-year-old son, yet he hasn’t yet told DeAnna (that will happen next week, or so it appeared in the preview), and he expected this pack of testosterone-filled competitors to keep his secret? Didn’t he say in the first episode how important it was for him to tell DeAnna? He seems like a good guy, but how will DeAnna take the news, and will she find it troubling that he’s waited to tell her? I’m sure she’ll seem totally cool with it for the cameras (as she did last night with Ron’s divorce), but what will she be thinking inside? We’ll just have to wait and see. (Speaking of Ron, can someone tell me what ”soul swapping” is, which he said he and DeAnna experienced after some alone time, and is there any risk of communicable disease?)
Back, finally, to Jeremy and the night’s biggest confession. In the Dodger dugout, he told DeAnna that both of his parents are dead and that he’s had a hard time opening up because he’s trying to protect himself and his family. DeAnna, whose mother died of cancer when she was 12, now has someone who knows what she’s experienced. Jeremy’s position on the show, and maybe even in DeAnna’s heart, seems secure. Is he for real? The rest of the guys wonder, but that could just be jealousy rearing its ugly head. Or their increasing anger could be fueled by Jeremy’s poor sense of Bachelorette etiquette. For example, on rose-ceremony night, with his own rose firmly pinned, he interrupted poor, awkward Twilley as he was making a last-ditch effort to earn DeAnna’s goodwill. (Twilley could sense that DeAnna might not be getting the ”Twilleys”; earlier in the night, he had tried to prove his passion by reciting a long-drawn-out, stage-hogging fairy tale, which definitely wasn’t the fairy tale DeAnna said she was hoping for so many times in the first episode.) By the end of the night Jeremy had ticked off just about everyone, so he took a dive (or so he claimed) in the push-up competition, allowing Jesse to win some DeAnna time.
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