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The Bachelorette recap: Bad Rap

Ben makes inroads with Desiree — and makes enemies with all the guys — during a “rap video” shoot that’s just embarrassing for everyone

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The Bachelorette

The Bachelorette

TV Show
Reality TV
run date:
Chris Harrison
Current Status:
In Season

Who’s ready to watch some bad decisions? It’s week two, the chaff has been sent home, and the wheat (such as it is) is now sitting in the living room of Casa Bachelorette so Harrison can gently place the date card next to a phalanx of unlit (!) votive candles. Truth time, rose lovers: Did you have any idea who that guy was who picked up the date card? I didn’t. (Thank god for this.) Anyhoo, Nick M. does the honors of reading the note: “Brooks, I’m waiting for a sign.”

While wolf boy goes to get ready, Desiree finishes her sketch of a Bratz doll wearing a sleeveless gown. “The first cocktail party was so much fun,” she tells us. “I couldn’t have asked for a better group of guys.” (Actually, sweetie, yeah, you could have. Have you seen this?) She picks up Brooks at the house and they drive off in that aquamarine Bentley — I kind of love that Des insists on driving — and head for a bridal gown emporium called Winnie Couture. Alas, Team Bachelorette is not just ending the show with a wedding in week two: “It’s really important for the guys to know that I have a desire and a passion to design wedding dresses,” explains Des. After suiting up in a tux and gown, Brooks and Des head to a food truck, where they sample some red velvet cupcakes and hug the hoards of squealing, iPhone-wielding fans who gather to watch them.

And with that, they’re off to the Hollywood sign, at which point it becomes clear that Desiree must be wearing the cheapest wedding dress Winnie offers — because there’s no way they’d let her take a real couture gown out for a stroll through the dirt. Eventually Brooks and Des settle on the L for some cuddling and sharing. “I had a long relationship that I got out of about a year and a half ago,” Brooks tells her. “I’ll take the chance of getting my heart broken again and again if it leads ultimately to being with the person that I love.” And she LOVES it… even though at this point, Brooks’ bow tie looks like it was tied by a blind, one-armed monkey. They smooch as the sun sets. Hooray for Hollywood!

Part two of the date begins after dark, as Des drives her date through a “shady” part of town filled with “graffiti” and gates topped with “razor-blade wiring.” Figure out where you’re going, Des — your white boy’s getting’ nervous! The Bachelorette eventually drives Brooks down a deserted road to an empty bridge, where there’s a fancy dinner set up complete with candles and a glittering chandelier. (I hope no one tells Des that Team Bachelorette is just lazily recycling date ideas from Bachelor Pad.) The duo chats more about love over dinner, as Des explains how her parents, who have been married 40 years, are her romance role models, and then asks Brooks, “I know your parents are divorced — so how does that shape what you think about marriage?” Holy articulate question, Batgirl! And to Brooks’ credit, he gives a fairly thorough answer, telling Des that he didn’t speak to his dad for six years after his parents split up, and even now they’re still “working” on their relationship. “What I’ve learned is not to take things for granted,” he continues, on the verge of tearing up. “There’s a lot to be grateful for.” Say it with me, rose lovers: Give him the rose, Des! Andy Grammer is waiting to play for you in an awkwardly intimate concert.

NEXT: Time to fire your agent, Soulja Boy