Paul Hebert/ABC (2)
Kristen Baldwin
March 05, 2018 AT 11:05 PM EST

The Bachelor

TV Show
Reality TV
run date
Arie Luyendyk Jr, Nick Viall, Ben Higgins, Chris Soules, Juan Pablo Galavis
Mike Fleiss
Current Status
In Season

Well rose lovers, this season of The Bachelor may have begun with more of a whimper than a bang, but it’s sure ending with a spectacular, spoiled-on-every-magazine-cover flameout. We’ve got a lot of ground to cover, so gird your loins, drink your electrolytes (ideally in the form of wine), and let’s do this.

We open on the beautiful city of Cusco, Peru, where Arie is ruminating over his boneheaded decision to say “I love you” to both Becca and Lauren. The former has “great values,” is “funny and goofy and sexy,” and his relationship with her is “comfortable” (oy, there’s that word again). Choosing Lauren, Arie continues, is a “risk” — but his feelings for her are “intense.” Even if we didn’t already know how this was gonna turn out, that intro would make things pretty clear.

“I thought I would have more clarity,” the Bachelor tells Arie Sr., before bringing Lauren in to meet the family (mom, dad, brother Alec, sister Maida, and her significant other). “I really want my parents to see what I see in her,” notes Arie. Dude, how about letting us in on that secret first? Though she’s clearly dying inside, Lauren summons up enough emotional fortitude to offer a timid toast at lunch, and she manages to have a fairly human conversation with Arie’s dad. Meanwhile, Maida wants to know, do Arie and Lauren have “real” conversations? Um…no. “It has been hard for her to be open,” says Arie. “That goes through my mind sometimes with her.”

If only the Bachelor could see what’s happening in the other room: Lauren is in tears, weeping to Mama Luyendyk about how scared she is to lose Arie. “I really feel for you,” says Mrs. Luyendyk. “But I really think you should stay positive.” Hmmm…what does Mieke know?

When it’s Becca’s turn to meet the family, Arie Sr. is blunt: “It’s going to be really difficult for Becca, because we all think Lauren is a good choice.” But Becca puts on a brave face — and packs her confidence in wicker picnic basket — and heads into the Luyendyks’ den. Mieke still has her “reservations” about this strange, Midwestern brunette Arie’s brought home, but after a brief chat mama “totally took a liking to her.” Arie Sr., who earlier in the episode noted how the Dutch are known for their bluntness, informs Becca that he’ll be “fine with it” no matter which one of them Arie Jr. chooses. “That wasn’t fun to hear,” sighs Becca.

And unfortunately for her, she just keeps on hearing it, as we’re treated to a montage of other Luyendyks asking Becca about her rival. “I just swear to God if I have to hear the name Lauren one more time I’m going to lose it,” she says softly. Normally Team Bachelor never shows us anything but fluffy “she seems great” moments from these family visits, but clearly they know that we know Becca gets screwed over, so why not telegraph her future misery? “It makes me want to puke thinking about them together,” Becca whimpers in her confessional. Oy, somebody get the poor girl a bucket — she’s going to need it. (Next: Arie makes his final decision LOLZ)

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