ABC/Rick Rowell
Samantha Highfill
January 09, 2017 AT 10:01 PM EST

The Bachelor

TV Show
Reality TV
run date
Arie Luyendyk Jr, Nick Viall, Ben Higgins, Chris Soules, Juan Pablo Galavis
Mike Fleiss
Current Status
In Season

Back at the mansion, the final date card of the week arrives for Christen, Josephine, Astrid, Jaimi, Kristina, and Liz. Instantly, Josephine is so excited she can’t breathe. She even has anticipation pumping through her BLOOD! Take that, science! According to her, she hasn’t had feelings like this since she was a teenager…so…yesterday.

On the date, the women join Nick at the Museum of Broken Relationships, because another classic first-date tradition is coming to the realization your relationship probably isn’t going to work out.

The museum is filled with relics donated by people who’ve ended relationships, or in other words, it’s made up almost entirely of J. Lo’s possessions!

As the women walk around, they find out the exact reason why Neil Lane hates Nick so much: Because instead of returning the engagement ring he got for Kaitlyn, he donated it to this museum! Trying to turn this into an inspirational moment, Nick tells the women that when he looks at the ring, he thinks of one adjective: hope, which is not an adjective.

During the museum tour, things are interrupted by two actors hired to break up in public. And here’s today’s twist: The women will be participating in a live symposium called “The Art of the Break-Up,” where each one of them will be breaking up with Nick in front of museum-goers.

Astrid is up first, and she decides to go with the easy out of “you’re dating me and all of my friends.” To be honest, it’s a better approach than Kristina, who seems obsessed with Nick’s dental hygiene, which somehow translates into breaking up?

Next, Christen outs some deep-seeded body issues before Josephine smacks the crap out of Nick for all of America. In her scenario, Nick’s addicted to alcohol as opposed to his real-life addiction: reality dating shows.

And then there’s Liz, who decides a tiny block of wood in front of a crowd is the perfect place to confront Nick about the fact he’s been avoiding her ever since she showed up here 24 hours ago. Remember when I said the photo shoot was the most uncomfortable thing? I WAS SO WRONG.

Liz goes on and on about how she wishes Nick would’ve fought for her — instead of respecting her wishes when she said no to giving him her number? — while Christen watches in disbelief. So, if you were wondering whether Liz wanted to have a real conversation with Nick, the answer is no. Because that’s not how you do it.

Later in the evening, Nick starts making the rounds, where he learns Jaimi previously dated a girl and Liz told Christen every detail of their night together. With that, Nick takes Liz aside to find out if she’s just here to be on TV.

Liz claims she never reached out to him post-coitally because she knew he “had stuff going on.” Also, she hates phone conversations. Yeah, Nick cuts her off there. At this point, Nick’s starting to form connections with other women, so he sends Liz home and heads back inside to tell the women everything. But just as he tells them about the sex, we get our favorite show ending, a big old “to be continued.”

So, now we’ll have to wait a week to find out how the women will react, and more importantly, to get an update on the birthday girls: Alexis’ boobs. They just turned one, and that’s where I’m going to stop because every joke I come up with makes me hate myself.

I’ll see you all next week! If you need me before then, I’ll be hanging out with Franco Lacosta in the hopes he can tell me about my past lives.

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