ABC/Rick Rowell
Samantha Highfill
January 09, 2017 AT 10:01 PM EST

The Bachelor

TV Show
Reality TV
run date
Arie Luyendyk Jr, Nick Viall, Ben Higgins, Chris Soules, Juan Pablo Galavis
Mike Fleiss
Current Status
In Season

Corinne brings Nick a shot — and maybe flashes some nipple? — before she explains to the women that if they can’t handle being interrupted, they shouldn’t have come here. And that includes Taylor, because just as she starts to talk to Nick about her psychology degree, Corinne interrupts for round three. I mean, she couldn’t leave Nick without saying goodnight, right?! Because THAT would be rude.

But Taylor isn’t going down without a fight. She returns and, according to Corinne, “re-interrupts” her, but considering Taylor didn’t interrupt her in the first place, Corinne is, shockingly, using that phrase incorrectly. Apparently, Corinne feels what Taylor did was rude, because the way Corinne goes about things is “very classy and not directed toward ‘a character.'” FINALLY, we get confirmation these aren’t real people on these shows!!! They’re characters!

Back with Nick, Taylor makes the most of her time with him by telling him he does this thing where he gets a thought and just goes with it and it’s super attractive to her. To quote my notes, “What the hell is this conversation?” The two of them don’t kiss, but Taylor claims “it was there in like the eyeballs,” otherwise known as the place where all kisses start.

At the end of what Taylor considers an “intellectually stimulating” conversation — a moment that embarrasses Johns Hopkins grads everywhere — Taylor feels Nick’s heart is coming to her and her brain…”because he likes it.”

By the time Taylor rejoins the group, Corinne is ready to confront her…by making sure she’s okay? Well, if nothing else, Corinne’s parents know those anti-bullying classes they undoubtedly had to put her through worked!

Corinne then gives the group a Coach Taylor-esque pep talk where she informs them that “you have to be there for yourself.” Unless, of course, your nanny can be there for you. Okay okay, I’m done with nanny jokes for the night. I think.

Nick rejoins the women just in time to send them all the wrong message by giving Corinne the date rose. And if you thought her slurring was bad, she squeals every time he hugs her like she’s a freakin’ chew toy. According to Corinne, today involved her stepping out of her comfort zone “many different times and angles.” ANGLES. Altogether, she thinks her father would be proud because all she did was literally be herself. Literally.

The next morning, Corinne is spreading lies about the photo shoot, claiming Nick just came up to her and grabbed her boobs. “It’s honestly just crazy to me the way I’m being,” Corinne says about Corinne. As for why she likes Nick? “When I was talking to him, he was like listening. Guys don’t listen to me.” Little tip: Maybe try taking their hands off your boobs when you talk.

As for today’s date, Danielle M. has the first one-on-one of the season, and according to her, it’s been a while since she’s been this excited to feel something/anything go on a first date. While she and Nick take a helicopter ride out to a yacht, during which Nick talks and Danielle smiles, Liz is back at the house cutting up some fruit while another woman lies dead behind her.

With her secret weighing heavily on her heart, Liz decides she trusts Christen, a woman she met yesterday, enough to tell her. And to prove Liz’s point, Christen says the one thing every blabbermouth says: She promises to never say a word about whatever secret Liz is keeping.

So, Liz tells Christen everything. So much, in fact, this chat involves multiple wardrobe changes and enough detail for all of us to realize the sex wasn’t great.

Speaking of Nick, he’s currently enjoying a little hot tub time with the world’s sweetest mute before they head off to dinner, where they’re both greeted with both a stemmed and stemless glass of wine. Talk about luxury!

After Nick gives Danielle his entire Bachelorette history, she tells him about her dating past: She was engaged to an addict — though she didn’t know he was an addict at the time — until she found him after he’d overdosed, which happened about three months into their engagement. It’s a story Danielle was scared to tell — apparently, she’s only dated assholes in the past who dump her after finding that out. But this time, Danielle’s managed to find someone who has no place judging anyone else’s romantic history, so she’s golden!

At the end of the night, Danielle gets the date rose as the two of them head off to kiss on the Ferris wheel because after all, Danielle’s love of Ferris wheels is one of two things she vocalized all day.

NEXT: Liz learns about the art of breaking up

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