Well guys, this season has been quite a journey. I’m not sure I would’ve believed you if you’d told me 10 weeks ago that there was a woman named Lace who would actually wear a lace dress to meet Ben. I definitely wouldn’t have believed you if you’d told me that an adult would say the words, “I like to talk smart things.” And don’t even get me started on the most unbelievable thing of the season: Caila’s father’s orange pants. That was one twist I did NOT see coming.
And yet, here we are. We’ve made it to finale week, which finds Bachelor Ben in the very worst kind of threesome: One where there’s a possibility of a unicorn mask. #neverforget
In Jamaica, Ben’s spending every free moment hoping and praying for clarity. He’s in love with two women and he has no idea how to choose, especially when they wear matching jean cut-off shorts. Coming into this, Ben’s fear was that he was unlovable, and now, his problem is that he’s too lovable. (This just in: Single people everywhere collectively tell Ben to f— off.)
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Meeting up with his parents, Ben hopes that mom and dad can share some wisdom. But when he explains that he’s in love with two women, all mom can seem to say is “wow.” In fact, mom finds this situation “really disturbing.” If you’ve ever wondered what a proud mother looks like, this is not one.
First up, it’s Lauren’s turn to meet the parents, and she has a bouquet of flowers the size of her head to show her love. After all, this meeting has been “a long time” in the making. (…Has it?)
As Ben explains, Lauren mentioned meeting his parents on their first date, so that’s why this has been such a long time coming. Again, that was only like two months ago, but sure, let’s pretend like Lauren’s been waiting years to meet these people.
After that is fully explained — thank God they spent so much time on that — Ben’s dad pulls Lauren aside to tell her that it’s VERY obvious how Ben feels about her. (Yep, dad has a favorite.) After Lauren says, “Ben is seriously, like, one of the most incredible people I’ve ever met,” Ben’s father simply says, “Thank you.” (Sorry mom, dad’s taking the credit on this one.)
All you need to know from this conversation is that both Lauren and Ben are ready for marriage. Also, she’s already calling David “Dave,” so at this point, she’s winning, right?
Talking to Ben’s mom, Lauren explains how Ben makes her “so happy.” But all mom wants to know is whether Lauren’s seen Ben be his own worst critic. Translation: CAN YOU REALLY HANDLE MY SON? Later, when Lauren calls Ben “seemingly perfect,” Amy doesn’t say thank you, but rather she scoffs and says, “We’ll talk more later.” Damn, mom. If you think Ben is his own worst critic, what does that make you?
Again, mom is more focused on how Lauren could help Ben as a partner when he gets “intense.” After all, it takes a special person to put up with all of Ben’s issues. Is Lauren ready to talk him off the ledge? That depends, mom, did you put him on that ledge??
Lauren says she’s ready for all of the good and the bad with Ben, but mom’s still not convinced. She’s also still not going to help Ben with his decision. Her only piece of advice to him: “How in the heck are you ever going to choose?” (Somebody’s definitely not winning MVP — most valuable parent.)
Sitting outside, Lauren tells Ben that “getting married, for me, is like a big commitment.” But only for her. The rest of the population thinks getting married is about as big a commitment as deciding what to eat for breakfast.
See, for Lauren, meeting Ben’s parents was the last step. Now, take her back to Vegas! This one’s ready to get hitched!
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