Hello again, rose lovers! Did you, like me, get a little teary watching Juan Pablo cuddle with Camila before setting off on his international “adventure” to find una esposa? I think it was her sad little voice reciting all the ways she’ll stay in touch with daddy while he’s gone — “In the skyyyype, on the compuuuter” — that got to me. But maybe that’s because I’m on a trip away from my family right now too. (Damn you, Team Bachelor — why must your travelogue-like formula hit so close to home?)
Anyhow, a little separation anxiety is the price Juan Pablo has to pay for finding love. “It’s good to focus on myself,” says Juan Pablo to the camera crew who has been focusing on his every action for weeks. “I can’t wait to start.” As for you, “ladies,” Harrison has some news: “It is time to pack your bags,” he says. “You’ll be meeting Juan Pablo in the beautiful city of Seoul, South Korea.” It’s possible Harrison said something after that but the lambs were screaming so loudly my eardrums were temporarily paralyzed by the trauma.
Once the whole gang has arrived in the latest Perfect Place to Fall in LoveTM, the “ladies” stampede into their hotel suite screaming and hollering, but it all goes quiet when someone notices the date card on the coffee table. Much to Nikki’s displeasure, it’s a group date, and she’s on it — this time with Chelsie, Cassandra, Elise, Danielle, and Kat. “This blows,” she gripes. “I’m halfway around the world and I’m going to be spending the day tomorrow with five other girls who are quite annoying.” Man, Nurse Nikki, I hope you don’t unleash that bitchside manner on your tiny patients.
For the date, Juan Pabs has arranged a trip to YG Entertainment, the top K-Pop studio in the business. Even though just one day ago Harrison told the “ladies” they were headed to “the home of K-Pop and Gangnam Style,” none of them can figure out what on earth the date card — which read, simply, “POP!” — could mean. “Hmmm… popcorn?” muses Cassandra, while someone else (Kat?) guesses “bubble blowing contest.” No, silly billies — you’re going to be dancing with one of the biggest K-Pop bands in the world, 2NE1! Naturally Kat is thrilled (“I’m a dancer — I’ve been doing it since before I could walk,” she boasts), and naturally Nikki is annoyed. “This is the worst possible date I could ever be on,” she sighs. But even though Nikki kind of wants to “pout and throw a giant fit,” she pretends to be a good sport and busts out some busted dance moves like “the sprinkler” and “that thing where you wrench your knee back and forth while hopping on one leg.”
Her attitude continues to darken, though, once the women start learning the choreography — or, more accurately, once Kat starts schooling them all on the routine. “If there was a sign that said, ‘I am the best at this!’ I’m sure she would put it on her forehead,” snipes Nikki, who nevertheless maintains her outside face (little girl who’s just been offered a pony ride) and hides her inside face (mean girl who’s just learned Kalteen bars actually cause weight gain). Things are about to get worse, Nikki: 2NE1 wants you to perform during their concert tonight! “I kind of want to crap my pants,” she admits. “I am just hoping that we’re performing for the South Korean School for the Blind.” Good one, blondie!
NEXT: “Uuugh. Yuck.”