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The Bachelor recap: Jake Grows a Pair

The pilot puts politeness aside and sends trouble-making bachelorettes Michelle and Elizabeth packing without breaking a sweat

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Craig Sjodin/ABC

The Bachelor

TV Show
Current Status:
In Season
run date:
Aaron Buerge, Andrew Firestone, Bob Guiney, Alex Michel, Estella Gardinier, Trista Rehn, Jen Schefft
Mike Fleiss
Reality TV

”It’s important to Jake that we all move on.” So saith Bachelor host Chris Harrison, advising the ”ladies” at the start of this episode to put that whole Rozlyn debacle behind them, because that’s what the Bachelor wants. Frankly, up until now I wouldn’t be too inclined to do Jake any favors, but after this episode — seeing how he finally took some control of his Bachelor ”journey” — I might even be convinced to pick up the guy’s dry cleaning. (Once. Maybe.) I don’t know if the Rozlyn mess flipped a switch in his head or what, but this week we saw a whole new Jake: No more Mr. (As) Nice Guy!

The episode starts off on a tense note, as we learn that Vienna will get the first one-on-one date. It’s clear that with Rozlyn gone, the ”ladies” need another target to sink their cosmetically whitened fangs into, so Michelle kicks off the girl-on-girl hate with a statement that’s both insulting and slightly insane (her specialty): ”I think of myself as very attractive and Vienna, she’s totally opposite of who I am as far as what I see on the outside.” The rest of the women glower as Vienna perkily explains how she’s excited for Jake to see her ”fun” side, and Ali, who seems to be having a hard time understanding the concept of the show, says seeing the Bachelor go on a solo date with another woman feels like a ”betrayal.”

Jake arrives on his hog and whisks Vienna off to his house, where — surprise! — the first helicopter of the season arrives to take them on their ”adventure date.” (Of course, they do a quick flyover Casa Bachelorette as all the ”ladies” grouse and gripe about Vienna — if she’s Jake’s type then, like, what-ever!) The copter lands on a bridge, where the Bachelor reveals to Vienna that they’ll be bungee jumping. And it’s totally perfect, because they’re both deathly afraid of heights! While this sounds about as well-planned as sending two germaphobes on a date cleaning toilets at Grand Central Station, there’s a method to Jake’s madness: ”I can’t be strong 100 percent of the time,” he explains, ”and so I need to know that I have somebody there that I can rely on and draw strength from if needed.” At first it doesn’t seem like Vienna is going to be much help, as she peers over the edge of the bridge and starts whimpering ”Oh, God.” But as soon as Jake starts moaning and burying his head in her shoulder, Vienna pulls herself together and tells him, ”Come on — we got this…. We’re gonna do this.” It takes awhile for them to jump, but jump they do. In relief and exhilaration, Jake and Vienna begin making out as they dangle upside down. And you know what? You’ll get no mockery from me here, because there is no f-ing way I would ever bungee jump, even if there was a large diamond ring on the line.

So really, it’s not too surprising that Jake gives Vienna a rose after their post-leap dip in the hot tub. I don’t think I’m alone in saying I don’t really see the connection between them, but even Vienna’s smug satisfaction (”I think the best day of my life ever is going to be when I marry Jake”) is worth it when we get to watch the ”ladies” squirm as she regales them with tales of her amazing date. Ali is so upset she invents a new word! ”I’m a little shooken up,” she confesses, ”because I am just so unbelievably shocked that she came home with a rose — that she came home at all.” Day-um, look who’s getting in touch with her inner bitch!

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