We gave it a B+
Terence kicks things off this week with a presentation at the Institute, raising funds for the First Lives Initiative. I perk up whenever I hear “First Lives Initiative” because it kinda sounds like “First Wives Club,” but don’t get your hopes up; this is not a Goldie Hawn romp. This is Terry’s youth intervention program, which he promises will “foster new lives that are virtually free of non-productives.” So if a kid who wants to be part of this program seems like a “non-productive,” IHM will make sure that kid… ceases to exits?
Sounds terrifying, but also par for the course for this thinly veiled portrayal of Scientology and David Miscavige. (This recapper’s hot take? Scientology suuuuuuucks.) But Terry has lost his mojo. Something’s missing, and that something is clearly his unofficial spokesman, Kyle West.
Kyle is hard at work on set for The Kill Plan with his leading lady, Amelia Briggs. When a boom operator asks Amelia to make some noise so he can test sound levels, she treats the crew to a fake orgasm while making intense eye contact with Kyle. Congratulations, Amelia! You are this week’s Horniest Character.
But, as Megan will come to learn, this Amelia thing is a lot more complicated than a quick recreation of the When Harry Met Sally diner scene. When Megan is recognized by a barista at a coffee shop that also sells copies of Life and Stars magazine, she reads about Kyle’s supposed real-life romance with Amelia. Megan is thrown by this headline (and I am thrown by the bandanna she is wearing in this scene).
Kyle clears things up by taking Megan to visit his publicist, who explains the concept of stealth marketing: They’ve mapped out an entire love triangle story line for Kyle, Megan, and Amelia. This narrative will carry them through to the premiere of The Kill Plan… but will ultimately resolve in a happy ending for Kygan. Now Megan is really thrown: There’s a fictional element to this relationship that began with a secret marriage contract? WTF?!
Later that day, Kyle makes up for the whole thing with an elaborate gesture. He and Megan jump on his motorcycle and speed down the PCH to grab dinner at Nobu, but their plan goes awry when Kyle pulls over and announces that “there’s a shimmy in the front fork” of his bike. While they wait for Kyle’s assistant Zach (whose real name, may I remind you, is literally “Kyle Toy”), they go for a walk on the beach, where they happen upon a lush cabana. Kyle set the whole thing up!
But the biggest surprise is yet to come: Kyle gets down on one knee and presents Megan with a ring and a heartfelt proposal (albeit a generic one: “I’ve waited my entire life to love someone the way I love you,” etc.). Megan is brought to tears: This marriage contract includes an engagement?! She says yes, yes, a thousand times yes, and they kiss, more in love than ever before.
E! News Correspondents Jason Kennedy and Zuri Hall are quick to announce the Kygan engagement on their show. I’ve gotta say, almost every time a movie or TV show uses this device (entertainment journalists playing themselves to help with exposition), I’m genuinely impressed by their believability. And Jason and Zuri are no exception! It’s almost like the stories they report in real life are kind of fake! It’s almost like they are actors themselves. The hot takes just keep on coming this week, you guys.
Deann visits Kyle on set to ask if he and Megan would like to double date with her and Terry. They’ll celebrate the engagement, they’ll rekindle the Kyle/Terry bromance, and hey, maybe they’ll be spotted and drum up a little buzz for IHM while they’re at it! But Kyle says no way. He’s still super pissed at Terence for that time he pimped him out to a horny ladycop. So if Deann and Terence (Deance?) want a big reconciliation with Kyle, they’re gonna need a better plan.
At least one element of that plan seems to involve Megan’s best friend Shaun, who is already knee deep in IHM, providing legal services for the First Life Initiative. Terry provides Shaun with a big fat check – much bigger and fatter than she was expecting – and asks her to stay on as his in-house counsel. (It seemed like this already happened last week, but apparently she was only on board for one project. Now she’s on board for all of them!)