Lincee Ray
May 18, 2017 AT 11:00 PM EDT

It’s gut check time on The Amazing Race, so Phil is going to pull out all the stops to thin the herd. And he’s going to use mannequins, ladders, bicycles, and the stifling humidity of a very hot country to do it.

But first, the five teams must head to the Corinth Canal in Athens, where half of them are harnessed in for the bungee jump of a lifetime. All bless Scott’s heart for having to execute this particular ROAD BLOCK. I’ll admit, it did look intimidating. I haven’t heard that many OMGs since Gossip Girl was on the air.

Joey is first to take the plunge. The height of the bridge bothers Tara more than her partner. He flies without a care in the world. Matt follows him with the cheers of Redmond echoing above. When Matt is lifted back up to the bridge, he giggles and says, “Scott’s going to cry so hard.”

In Scott’s defense, he didn’t cry so hard. I think he cried and screamed and shook a normal amount. I sure hope he got one of those “I did it” T-shirts.

Logan owns the jump like a boss. A very handsome boss. And Becca does the same. All teams pile in an airplane bound for Hanoi, Vietnam, in search of their next clue. Welcome to a somewhat even playing field!

Becca and Floyd, who were in last place, are now in first. They find the clue on one of the dozens of ladies conducting their morning exercises by waving around jaunty red flags. Next stop? Quan Su Buddhist Temple. The others are all close behind.

DETOUR
Bamboo Climb: Ladders are long
Window Design: Mannequins are cumbersome

Every single team decides to do the bamboo climb challenge. Unfortunately, there are only three ladders with the official Amazing Race red and yellow markers. Floyd and Becca get one. The Boys get another. Brooke and Scott are there, but they can’t manage to stop complaining long enough to look up where a marked ladder is hanging. Team LoLo arrives, and London shouts for Logan to help her pull the ladder down. I consider this an informal “dibs,” but Brooke scrambles up another ladder anyway to fight for the prize. London beats her to it.

That’s when the claws come out. Not between London and Brooke. They pretend to be cool. Brooke lays into Scott for not helping her with the ladder the entire time on their way to the mannequin challenge. They are like an annoying old married couple. Or maybe I should say a loud, defeated couple, because the act of carrying three mannequins is equal to having bamboo from those ladders shoved up your fingernails. Brooke cannot deal. Her back hurts, so Scott holds her backpack. Her legs hurt, so Scott takes on another mannequin arm. Her head hurts, so Scott rolls his eyes. I join him.

Meanwhile, the parents are rocking their mannequins. Even though arms and hands are falling left and right, it’s somewhat easier for them to maneuver through thousands of people on scooters and in cars on the streets of Hanoi. Why? Because Tara read the card wrong, and they only picked up two mannequins. Uh oh. They have to go back and get the third, while Scott and Brooke finally finish the challenge. It’s a miracle Brooke actually made it to the storefront.

Across town, the other three teams are having a time shoving a ladder up a stairwell. Getting it through the city was a bit of a challenge, but there’s one particular turn that forces the ladder to be wedged. I’m convinced that at least two people said, “PIVOT!” a la Ross Geller in Friends. CBS probably edited it out. I know some of you believe in this conspiracy theory, too. At the very least, I shouted it.

The ladder people PIVOT through the stairwell, grab a bird cage, go back down the stairwell, go through the city, and deliver the cage and the ladder to a man on the street for their next clue. Becca and Floyd, along with the Boys, are neck and neck making their way to Thong Nhat Park, with Team LoLo and Brooke and Scott close behind. The parents are stuck lugging another mannequin across town.

RANKINGS
1. Becca and Floyd: As first-place winners, this is the moment when Becca and Floyd begin to overuse their new word “fun-stoppable.”

2. Matt and Redmond: Always a bridesmaid, am I right? Becca says they are “un-boy-lievable.” #killthefunmeter

3. Team LoLo: The PIVOT almost got them, but they somehow made it through. Logan was this close to chucking the ladder off the roof.

4. Scott and Brooke: Although traffic almost bit them in the butt, they do secure fourth place.

5. Mom and Dad: Joey falls into Scott’s arms, exhausted from the running. Brooke asks Mom if they are okay, and Tara responds with an ice-cold response: “Now you care?” It seems that the parents are a bit miffed at Team Loudmouth for not telling them to skip the ladder part, since there were no more ladders left. MEOW!

When Phil tells Tara and Joey that it’s not an elimination round, Joey begins crying. He should have waited for the next leg to do that. He ain’t seen nothing yet.
(Recap continues on page 2.)

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