If that really just happened, then he just went out in the most Uncle J way possible.
Only Julius Calloway would spend what might be his final moments on Earth noticing his nephew’s girlfriend, Allison, and asking, “Who’s that tasty bitch?”
Survivor’s Remorse has ended its stellar season on an incredibly down note, with Mike Epps’ irrepressibly blunt, crude, and uproarious Calloway patriarch sustaining life-threatening injuries following a severe car crash.
Yes, it happened because Julius was lighting up a marijuana pipe, proceeded to drop said pipe, and reached down to retrieve it — all while operating a moving vehicle. He ran a red light, and a truck slammed right into his side of the car, causing it to flip over several times before throwing him from the driver’s seat. The episode ends before we find out if Julius has checked out for good — helluva cliffhanger there, Mike O’Malley (the Survivor’s Remorse showrunner penned tonight’s season finale, “Starts and Stops,” himself) — but, much as we don’t want this to be the case, we’ve left him in bad shape.
With Epps set to star in ABC’s Uncle Buck reboot in winter 2016, it’s possible he had to be written out of the show (especially now that the Starz comedy is coming back for a third season), though the idea of Survivor’s Remorse without our beloved Uncle J is still too hard to stomach right now. No matter the outcome, we are leaving the Calloways at the very moment their profound love for one another will be put to the test, which is what makes “Starts and Stops” such an excellent season finale — because we are not ready to let these people go yet.
As O’Malley has discussed at length, Survivor’s Remorse is not a show about basketball, but about family, and as any fan of the series will tell you, it’s very easy to get wrapped up in the Calloways’ lives. We care about them, even though they can be really stupid sometimes — though not as stupid as someone like Jupiter Blackmon (more on him in a bit). So when Julius is lying there immobile on the pavement, his sister Cassie clutching his hand as Cam, M-Chuck, and Allison (who makes the 911 call) look on helplessly, it feels as if we’re right there on that desolate highway with them.
But it is not an easy scene to watch. Julius has never been one for profound discussion (even when he’s forced to witness police brutality firsthand), remarking early on in the episode, “I like it when we all don’t talk about nothing important, just laughs.” Now that he’s standing at death’s door, the regrets come spilling out of his mouth — “I did a lot of stupid s— in my life” — and it’s possible now he won’t even have the chance to make up for not taking life more seriously.
Whether he’s gone or not, Julius did fulfill his surrogate father duties in “Starts and Stops” by leaving Cam with a precious nugget of sage advice about his future with Allison: “If you’re a man over the age of 12, and you’re asking another man over the age of 12 if he’s been in love — then you’re in love.”
NEXT: Got me a Cadillac car…