”Survivor”: Wishes do come true
Man, I just don’t think I want to write this Survivor TV Watch anymore. I’ve been rich, I’ve been poor, I’ve been to Exile Island. (Actually, take out the rich part, and the rest is true.) Let’s face it: This season has been a dud, and as a result, my recaps haven’t been much better….On second thought, maybe I’m getting too emotional here. After all, Lynette Rice covered for me last week while I was away for work, and truth be told, I kind of missed it. Yeah, scratch that — I’m definitely staying put….But then again, the ship is sinking, and you have to know when to jump off. That’s it. I’m done. Done like a Thanksgiving turkey. I’m sick of hanging around all these losers. Losers, man! Losers! However…I think I can stick it out after all. Just give me a chance, man. Just give me a chance!
Sound like anyone else we know? I couldn’t help channeling schizophrenic Lisi there for a second. If the woman didn’t drive Survivor fans crazy enough with her emotional outbursts and lack of knowledge about the game, she certainly did the job with her back-and-forth quitter routine. It was a bad episode all around for the woman. The hour began with Alex, Edgardo, and Mookie finding the hidden immunity idol after she idiotically told them the clues about its whereabouts. ”You’re gonna have to get up really, really early to fool a cat like me,” she said. And when would that be, Lisi — noon? Seriously, it didn’t seem all that difficult to me. Damn easy, in fact. Then she informed us that ”challenges, honestly, I don’t take seriously.” Of course, this didn’t stop her from bitching about her squad losing all of them and then repeatedly referring to all of her tribemates as losers.
Of course, she didn’t do much in those challenges herself. In the tribal dance-off reward challenge, she was hunched over 80 percent of the time like a rhythmless troll. And in the immunity challenge, she didn’t even hit the target with either the spear or the arrow.
But if we’re talking about the immunity challenge, then you know we have to talk about Yau-Man. Dude is the freakin’ man! He figured out the need to take a running start on the spear throw and won it for his team, and then took his time to find the straightest arrow and bent down before delivering the winning shot in that round as well. (He certainly fared better than self-proclaimed expert archer Edgardo, who missed the target completely.) Yau-Man has showed time and time again that you can use your smarts to overcome your lack of strength. For weaklings like me, that is encouraging.
And you know I have to give a shout-out to my man Earl, and not just because he was my episode 1 pick to win it all. He was working it in the dance-off and is also quietly sizing up both tribes to figure out his place in the game postmerge. By the looks of things, that could happen next week. If the promo is to be believed, the new tribe could also be living on Exile Island.
Of course, Lisi won’t make it there. Dreamz made sure of that by calling her out at tribal council for not wanting to play the game (although Alex and Edgardo had clearly tired of her waffling by that point). The Dreamz?Lisi showdown rivaled the Rocky?Anthony verbal beatdown as the liveliest tribal council of the season. And Dreamz truly did prove to be the genie in the bottle by granting viewers our wish and sending Lisi home. Or to the jury, rather, where she will no doubt have some wacky words to impart at the finale. I have a feeling it will go a little something like this:
Lisi: ”Hey, congrats to the three of you for making it here. I think you’re all losers though. Losers, man! Capital L! I was gonna say more, but you know what? I quit. I’m done. Out of here. See ya, man.”
Jeff Probst: ”Oooooookay, well, Rocky, you’re next.”
Rocky: ”Yo, bro, thanks. Hey, so I think all three of youse are pretty effeminate and all, but whateva, whateva. What I want to talk about right now is what you think is the best way to get Anthony to take his skirt off, because I…”
Lisi: ”Ummm…Jeff, Jeff.
Jeff: ”Lisi, your time is up. You said you were done. Rocky is talking now.”
Lisi: ”I know, Jeff. But don’t be a loser. Loser! I decided I actually do want to ask them a question after all. Just give me a chance. One chance!”
Rocky: ”Yo, what is this bull$#&*!”
Jeff: ”You know what? I am so over both of you. In fact, I’m out of here. You final three can split the money. Later.”
Hey, we can all dream, can’t we?
What do you think? Was Lisi driving you crazy? Is Earl the player to beat? And could Yau-Man be any cooler?