”Survivor”: Towel-snapping incidents
I’m not exactly what you would call a tough guy. For one thing, I weigh a measly 140 pounds. For another, I actually once hid behind my wife when a monkey lunged at me, basically putting my better half in harm’s way to save myself. So I’m a world-class wimp, is what I’m saying. But if someone kept referring to me as a ”jellyfish” and a ”little girl” while instructing me to ”take the skirt off,” I might have to actually man up and…well, get my ass kicked. Okay, so me defending myself might be pretty comical, but not nearly as amusing as watching Anthony try to morph into a tough guy at tribal council. Not very convincing, my man. But I don’t mean to dis Anthony. I actually liked the guy. Maybe it’s because he kept getting picked on. Maybe it’s because of that cute little hat. Or maybe it’s just because he lists Entertainment Weekly as one of his favorite magazines.
Anyway, we’ll get back to Anthony later, but what to make of the big tribal shake-up? This is what I make of it: Thank the Lord! This was shaping up to be the worst Survivor season ever, and while there was no magic green bottle to turn everything around tonight, at least mixing up the teams added some much needed spice. First you had Lisi getting all grumpy after she was left off of both tribes. She told Jeff she was actually looking forward to leaving the game, proclaiming that ”now would be a good time to exit,” and my guess is that millions of viewers agreed with her. Instead, she was banished to Exile Island, but not before Probst could deliver a nice zinger about the hidden immunity idol: ”Perhaps you’ll find it, won’t want it, and give it to someone who does.” The host with the most, people!
Of course, had any of the contestants truly been paying attention, they would have realized that the hidden idols were at their camps. Why else would Probst announce, ”For those of you who have been to Exile Island, those clues are still in play.” If the idol were on Exile Island, there would be no need to say that. Of course, Rocky blurts out things he has no business saying, so who knows? As for the new tribes, Ravu was filled with dudes talking like dudes. They called themselves a superpower, discussed how annoying women were, and gave themselves lots of shirtless group hugs. All this male bonding made Anthony nervous, even inciting him to Vietnam-like flashbacks about having to shower after gym class. Anthony also informed us he was ”a nerd, a geek, a dweeb,” as well as ”a black male Cinderella.” (Rocky tacked on a few more adjectives later.)
As for the new Moto, Earl — my episode 1 pick to win it all — was sounding awfully cocky about his prospects. And why shouldn’t he? Cassandra appears ready to jump sides, and it apparently has been written into the bylaws of Survivor: Fiji that the Moto tribe is simply not allowed to lose a single challenge. Wait, did someone say challenge? The immunity competition was truly the best challenge this season that did not involve slipping and sliding. Loved watching all those people belted together and trying to get through those narrow gates. Loved watching the two teams get tangled up with each other. Loved how naughty it sounded when Probst announced during his play-by-play, ”Michelle once again wedged inside the spinning hub of Ravu!”
Of course, Ravu lost again because Ravu always looses, and we got to witness a volatile tribal council where Rocky kept imploring Anthony to stand up for himself. So Anthony did, at which point Rocky said, ”Please don’t raise your voice in my ear.” (Conflicted message, anyone?) Then Anthony put on his Razzie-award-winning performance as a hard-ass, trying to persuade the others to keep him around. It didn’t work, although had I been there, I would have kept him around, seeing as he seemed like a much more loyal and less threatening option than the off-his-rocker Rocky. But what do I know? I once hid from a monkey.
What do you think of the tribal shake-up? Did Ravu make the right call in ousting Anthony? And will anyone ever find those damn hidden immunity idols?