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Survivor recap: Brandon gives away immunity

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Survivor South Pacific Brandon Hantz
Image Credit: Monty Brinton/CBS

Survivor

type:
TV Show
genre:
Reality TV
run date:
05/31/00
performer:
Jeff Probst
broadcaster:
CBS
seasons:
34
Current Status:
In Season

Hey, I’ll get to this week’s Survivor recap in just a minute (including my updated season by season rankings!), but first I have to make a super quick phone call, if you don’t mind. This’ll just take a jiff.

Voice on phone answering: “Hello?”

Dalton: “Hi, is this Erik?”

Erik: “Yes.”

Dalton: “Erik Reichenbach?”

Erik: “Yes.”

Dalton: “Erik Reichenbach from the awkwardly titled Survivor: Micronesia—Fans vs Favorites? The guy best known for giving up his individual immunity necklace and then promptly being voted out of the game?’

Erik: “Wellllllllll, I don’t know about being best known for that. I’m also pretty known for my artwork. I mean, I’ve had a few studio shows here in Michigan and they went quite swimmingly if I do say so myself. ”

Dalton: “Were any of these art shows seen by over 15 million people?”

Erik: “No.”

Dalton: “Then no dice, Reichenbach. Face it — you’re the dude that gave up immunity.”

Erik: “Could you at least look at my art before…”

Dalton: “I SAID DROP IT! Now listen to me, I’ve got some good news for you. Swell news, in fact. In the misery-loves-company department, I have someone I’d like for you to meet. His name is Brandon. I think you two would get along.”

Erik: “Why is that?”

Dalton: “Well, you have a lot in common is all.”

Erik: “Like what?”

Dalton: “Good God, man, do you even watch Survivor any more?!?”

Erik: “Well, I’ve been pretty busy working at the ice cream shop so…”

Dalton: “You know what? Just never mind. Forget I called.”

Erik: “I don’t even know who this is!”

Dalton: “As it should be! Here I was ready to give you some good news that you weren’t the only moron on the face of the earth that would be stupid enough to give up immunity, and all you want to talk about is art and ice cream.”

Erik: “I’m sorry. I just have other things in my life. I try to not let Survivor define me. I mean, it would be kind of pathetic to be someone who talks or writes about Survivor each and every week of his life, don’t you think? I mean, what type of person devotes that much time and energy into dissecting and discussing a TV show? Am I right?”

Dalton: “Uhhhhh, I gotta go.”

Click.

Ah, Erik. How could you not think of the poor ice-cream scooper from Hell (Michigan) after watching Brandon Hantz give up his immunity to Albert and be immediately voted out? Of course, there is one big difference between the two — Erik immediately knew what a bonehead move he had made, while I’m pretty sure Brandon is still clinging to the belief that he had no choice in the matter because it is what God told him to do and Heaven forbid he demonstrate anything close to free will.  Nor is Brandon smart enough to question Coach’s assertion that it was “God’s will” that forced the Dragonslayer to vote him out, the same way he cannot now get upset at me because it is God’s will that told me to write about what a lunkhead he is. (By the way, if what Brandon and Coach say is true, then God is paying waaaaaay too much attention to what happens on a reality television show. Although if that is the case, I would love it if God could convince Jeff Probst to go back to a final 2 format instead of the grab bag final 3 situation we’ve been stuck with of late. Do me a solid, Big Fella!)

NEXT: Welcome to the Pleasure Dome!

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