It’s been one of those weeks. Not a bad week, mind you, but a very busy week. So busy, in fact, my first instinct was to pass off this week’s Survivor recap to someone else. Just take a breather, watch from the sidelines while I drink from my canteen, and let someone else do the work. But SCREW THAT!!! Who am I, Courtney Yates sitting out a challenge? Homie don’t play that. (Homie do, however, solemnly swear to never use the phrase “Homie don’t play that” ever again. That was truly unfortunate and I do apologize.)
So even though I’m half passing out due to pulling massive overtime putting out a Walking Dead cover story and getting everything ready for EW’s PopFest (where, if you haven’t heard, you can compete in FIVE actual Survivor challenges against actual former contestants like Ozzy, Woo, Tai, Rob Cesternino, and Mari from this current season, and also get an exclusive sneak peek at the next episode — get tickets right here), I am going to soldier through. We should probably put Dr. Joe on standby just in case my face starts tingling and my hands start shaking, but let’s give it a shot, shall we?
The good news for you is that because of my overloaded schedule and half-lucid nature, this recap will (hopefully) be shorter and less rambling than usual. Now I know what you’re thinking: What are you talking about? You’re rambling already! Even talking about the state of your rambling constitutes rambling! And when you try to put in imaginary reactions to your rambling, that is the HEIGHT of rambling!
Fine! I get it! With that in mind, let’s break down the things I want to touch on from this week’s episode before sleep-induced drool falls on my keyboard and shorts out my entire laptop. But first — sorry, channeling my inner Julie Chen there — let’s have some non-recap-related fun. Somewhere in this recap, I’m going to tell you how you can win two free two-day passes to EW’s PopFest this weekend in Los Angeles. Not only do we have all that awesome Survivor stuff, but we’ll have exclusive sneak peeks of the new Gilmore Girls and Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. Jennifer Aniston will be there. James Corden will be there. I will be there. (Granted, not as good as those first two, but whatever.) The schedule is insane with a million other things. Go look at it: ewpopfest.com.)
At some point in the recap, I will put in an email address and the first 25 people to email it will win two free two-day passes to the convention. Getting yourself there and putting yourself up in a fancy hotel (if you don’t live in L.A.) is all up to you, but we’ll get you into the show for both days. Just keep your eyes out for the email address somewhere in the recap. It’s like finding a hidden immunity idol, only without any obvious marking on the side. Happy hunting! Okay, let’s get to the recap itself.
ARE THE IDOLS TOO EASY TO FIND?
Another episode, another found immunity idol — this time by Jay, who got a flash of a winner’s edit with his whole tearful speech about how he wants to take care of his family and prove millennials aren’t selfish. His unbridled joy at the finding the idol was somewhat tempered at the end, after Michaela caught him and Will celebrating. (She told us she would stay quiet on the matter, unless she caught wind of something going down and then “I’m snitchin.'” But wait, don’t snitches get stitches? At least that’s what I always heard. Then again, I also heard it’s “bros before hoes” but I’ve never met a ho before in my life so I cannot vouch for the latter statement’s authenticity.)
Good for Jay. Look, he got lumped in with Figgy and Taylor’s super-grating showmance due to their day 1 Kappa Kappa Survivor alliance, but Jay has done nothing to demonstrate he isn’t in it to win it. He’s the one who took charge setting up the new camp and he’s the one who told Taylor how dumb he was for being in a showmance. So I’m happy for him to find an idol. But are too many idols being found? The whole “hidden in plain sight” twist for this year’s idols sounded good on paper, but perhaps they weren’t quite hidden enough.
Of course, we LOVE seeing idols played, as do the producers, but when someone finds an idol seemingly every episode, it does start to not feel as special. Also, as we saw with David, once someone learns about the hidden markings, it gives them a huge advantage over everyone else in finding the next one. Not sure how fair that is. It’s a tough one, because idols make Tribal Councils so much more dramatic, but they should be a little bit harder to procure (which is exactly why they should go back to hiding them in challenges!).
NEXT: People who can’t see bumping into things