Welcome, everybody. Welcome. Please go ahead and take a seat, and thanks for coming to our annual meeting of SQA—the Survivor Quitters Alliance. I’m Julie McGee, our chairwoman. I’m taking over for Janu, who…well, quit. But we have a new application we need to review for potential membership. The name I put before you tonight is Jenn Brown. Thoughts?
“Yeah, I have a question.”
The chair recognizes Osten from Pearl Islands.
“Yeah, did Jeff Probst take her torch and throw it down in utter and absolute disgust?”
“Then she can’t join.”
To be fair, Osten, if that were the case, you’d be the only member.
Okay, anyone else.
“Yep, over here!”
The chair recognizes Lindsey from Cagayan.
“Soooooo, did she want to quit because her alliance partner got voted out so she sulked and made up some cockamamy story about needing to do the ‘mature’ thing by leaving or else she was going to punch somebody, even though punching somebody is the least mature thing you can do?”
Well, not exactly. I mean, yes, she seems ready to quit because her alliance partner got voted out, and she probably does want to punch Dan, so I guess…kinda?
“Hey, I have a question: HOW ‘BOUT DEM COWBOYS?!?”
Ugh, the chair recognizes Jimmy Johnson. And for the last time, Jimmy, do you have an actual question beyond ‘How ‘bout dem Cowboys?’
“In fact, I do. So is Jenn trying to do that thing where she’s trying to quit but doesn’t want it to look like a quit so she asks everyone to vote her out instead so it does not seem like a quit when it really is?”
Actually, yes. Good question, Jimmy. That’s exactly what she is trying to do.
“THAT’S MY MOVE! SHE CAN’T STEAL MY MOVE!”
In fairness, I don’t think you own that move, Jimmy. Shawna tried to do that in the Amazon way before you. It’s actually been done a bunch of times, but like with you, the cameras don’t always show it.
“Hey! It’s time for you to take my question before I knock you down like a one-legged woman.”
The chair recognizes NaOnka from Nicaragua.
“About time. Look, can you let me know when there are, like, only nine minutes left in this meeting? Because I want to quit this meeting right before we finish but then still be able to vote on the ultimate decision.”
“Oooooh, me too! I want to do that too.”
Fine. The chair will inform NaOnka and Purple Kelly when it is time for them to quit this meeting yet still allow them to vote. Anyone else? No? Gary from Fiji? You good? Okay, we will take a quick a brief recess and then continue further deliberations…
Wow. Listen, I don’t blame the SQA for being a bit confused when it comes to Jenn. What a bizarre situation. On one hand, she insists on saying positively infuriating things like “I’m kind of stoked now to get voted out” and “If they’re going to ask to keep me around I’m going to give them a reason to kick me out” and “It sounds pathetic to ask people to vote for you, but I don’t care” and…well, you get the point. If you’re a longtime fan of the show, you hate to hear this kind of stuff. Hate it. And you realize just how truly lame it is when contrasted with Joe, who was voted out but desperately wanted to stay in the game, saying “I want to be here. I want to play. I have waited my whole life to be here…. I love this game too much to just not fight for it.”
On the other hand, Jenn is still kicking butt in challenges—granted it’s because she thought that was her way out (“Is it really sad that I fought so hard in that challenge today so I could have a ticket out?”)—but even still, she at least has kept trying in certain regards. And she has refused to actually walk out. So maybe we should cut her a little slack.
But let’s go back to that first hand again. When Probst challenged her and said “Why don’t you do the greatest No Collar move of all: Just get up and walk out?” Jenn responded “That’s quitting. I don’t quit.” But isn’t that just semantics? Jenn is actively trying her best to get voted out of the game. Is that really any different from quitting? I mean, she said “dammit!” when she wasn’t voted out for crying out loud. Think about that for a second. Joe pointed out that Jenn has “already quit mentally, emotionally, physically.” Doesn’t this make her a quitter? If you are trying to leave the game, isn’t that pretty much the same thing. I asked Jeff Probst this and you can read his response in our weekly Q&A. But what say you? Hit the message boards to weigh in as I’m curious what your take on this is. In the meantime, let’s recap the rest of Survivor: Worlds Apart.
NEXT: Will takes a nap while going down the slide