Grab your stethoscope because it’s time for a little Survivor medical lesson. And while Dr. Dalton Ross is off in some faraway land visiting a new batch of Survivors and the always-hot, always-Aussie medics, I will be filling in as your guide through the organs of our players. Did you know the stomach is commonly referred to as the “little brain” because it’s the largest area of nerves outside the brain? It’s true! I know that because I enjoy a gastroenterology website. Who doesn’t? So let’s say your big brain was making you do borderline-evil things…wouldn’t your little brain react and perhaps, say, act in its own borderline-evil way? Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Colton’s stomach!
But before we visit one of the greatest karmic retributions ever seen on reality TV, let’s recap what led up to little brain giving the finger to the villain of the season. We started off with our two new tribes, the strong Salanis and the meek Manonos (no nos, indeed). Walking back from tribal council where they voted Monica off, the wretched Alicia went on about how funny it was blindsiding her former teammate. Playing flying monkey to Colton’s Wicked Witch of the West, she egged on her boss as he insulted Christina over and over and, unnervingly, over again. He compared her to a cockroach, he told her she may as well be in an alliance with a hermit crab. When Christina dared to want a square inch to sleep on, Alicia threatened to whack the s—t out of her.
I know Dalton’s said it before, but it bears repeating: THIS PERSON WORKS WITH CHILDREN WITH SPECIAL NEEDS. “Alicia is not a good person and Colton’s a jerk,” proclaimed Dr. Obvious herself, Christina. Was Colton playing a stratetic game, demeaning his opponent so she had no will to live? Or was he just being Heather Chandler to Christina’s Martha Dumptruck? I would say the latter. How could he not know that eventually the island hate speech would catch up with him, if not now than during the merge? Did he have so little faith in reality contestant humanity that he thought no one would take on his vile behavior? (My bar for reality contestants is certainly not at Nelson Mandela levels, and Colton managed to miss the mark.) Think about that for a moment, Little Stomach, while we head over to…
NEXT: Kat gets in touch with her subconscious