Living with Jaclyn must be exhausting. I mean, I’m just exhausted looking at the woman, and keep in mind, she is not difficult to look at. Never in my life have I seen someone so despondent any time she is not the center of attention, and this is coming from the father of a tween girl who only leaves the house each morning after 15 meltdowns about what she is going to wear to school.
Jaclyn insists on switching sides because the men are not paying enough attention to her. Then Jaclyn wants to switch sides again because now the women are not paying enough attention to her and inviting her to go ride horseys. Then Jaclyn refuses to talk to her boyfriend RIGHT BEFORE A CRUCIAL VOTE AT TRIBAL COUNCIL because he snapped at her a bit after roughing it for two days alone with no shelter and hardly any food at Exile Island. And I have a pretty good feeling Jaclyn’s bitching right now about the Survivor: San Juan del Sur editor that insisted on including footage of her hairy armpits in the second reward challenge. How hard is it to make this woman happy?
Part of me wonders if this is just a by-product of being a beauty pageant queen where you are used to all eyes being on you at all times and always getting your way. But another part of me remembers the other pageant types—and there have been roughly 1 million and 12 cast on Survivor to date—that have done just fine out in the elements in a cutthroat social setting.
But the thing that is most infuriating about Jaclyn’s wishy-washiness is that whenever she wants to switch sides, it is never about strategy. It’s always just about whom she likes and doesn’t like on that particular day. Jon has been equally irritating with his constant back and forth (switching sides three times on three consecutive votes), but at least he did that on strategic grounds—not saying his strategy was strong, but that was what was guiding him, not who was sitting around gabbing about stupid stuff to him more.
It is amazing that these two have been the pivotal votes at so many Tribal Councils because they are not good players in the least. And yet here they both are in the final 6 with an idol in their collective pocket driving me insane in the membrane. Okay, we had two back-to-back episodes. That’s a lot to get to, so I’ll try to jam through all the big events a bit quicker than normal to cram is as much as I can. Let’s hit the high and low lights.
• “Tribal Council was crazy!” said Keith about Wes’ dismissal. “Didn’t go quite like we anticipated.” Gee, Keith, do you think that might have had something to do with the fact that you blabbed to everyone about your secret plan to blindside Jon? “How would he know that was the plan?” he asked Reed and Alec incredulously after they chided him for opening his big dumb mouth—still not recognizing the fact that his mentioning they had any sort of plan is the type of thing to set off alarms in the opposition’s heads. Is Keith the worst Survivor player ever? I mean, he’s strong in challenges, so I guess that has to count for something. He found an idol—okay, nice work. But he is just so terrible in the nuances of the game that it is borderline shocking. And yet here he also sits in the final 6.
• Jon actually does have a point when he tells Jaclyn not to give Natalie credit for having the strategic smarts to tell him to play his idol. Never give another player a feather in their proverbial cap that they could use later to plead their case to the jury on why they should win. And yet, of course, Jaclyn made it all about her and got upset, thinking Jon was trying to steal her spotlight and credit when, in fact, he was just telling her to keep Natalie out of the picture. Pure 100 percent uncut Jaclyn, who does not seem high maintenance at all.
NEXT: Reed thinks he spots a wink