Hey, guys, we’ll get to John Rocker’s implosion on the latest Survivor, but before we do, I’m sorry to say that I’ve had to sell some additional advertising in these here Survivor recaps just to keep things afloat, so bear with me while we pause for this quick commercial message from CBS…
Next Wednesday, on America’s Most Watched Network, the tribe has spoken, and the word is… HILARITY! That’s right, get ready for the debut of the next great sitcom, SPOONIN’! From executive producers Chuck Lorre and Mark Burnett comes the story of one Louisiana firefighter and one homosexual New Yorker—trapped together on a deserted island. Oh, they’ll have a gay old time alright, but will these two fish out of water be able to catch any fish? Keith Nale and Josh Canfield star in a side-splitting tale of survival, stereotypes, and, yes, spoonin! Tune in Wednesday night for the premiere episode as Keith and Josh adopt a new pet—a sassy wisecracking snail named Lester. Can these three misfits stay alive… without managing to kill one another? You’ll have to tune in to find out. But don’t take our word for it. Critics from coast to coast can’t get enough SPOONIN’.
“So, I popped in my advance screener for SPOONIN’…” lauds TV Guide.
“It is a comedy that takes place on an island…” marvels USA Today.
“SPOONIN’ airs on Wednesday nights…” raves Entertainment Weekly.
“If there are any guys on SPOONIN’, I will knock their teeth out,” says John Rocker.
Yes, it is universal acclaim for what it shaping up to be America’s next great sitcom. Two urns. One clue. A million laughs. It’s SPOONIN’!
We now return you to your regularly scheduled Survivor recap…
Whoops, hold on for one more second real quick. Sorry, just had to set the ol’ DVR. (I wasn’t sold on that show until I heard about that sassy wisecracking snail. I bet he gets all the laughs.) Anyhoo, let’s recap another exciting installment of Survivor, or, as I like to call it: Revenge of the 7 Train.
Back at Coyopa after the vote, Josh is at the center of the action. Baylor is now skeptical of her island BFF saying she “doesn’t trust anyone but will still work with anyone,” which pretty much sums up the feelings of every player that has ever played this game. Meanwhile, Josh confesses to Rocker that he flipped his vote while telling us he was tipped off after watching John sneak off with Val. Eyes are always upon you.
Over at Hunahpu—and I have to say I really am not feeling these tribe names—Drew is either going three levels deep with Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hardy for Inception 2, or he’s just lazy. Either way, the guy is residing in Napsville as he stacks some island Zzzzzs in the shelter. Workaholic Keith doesn’t like what he sees and says he can’t say on camera what he’d do to his son Wes if he slept that much. In comments that can’t help but feel a little cringeworthy in the wake of the whole Adrian Peterson thing, Keith informs us that, “We still spank, we still whoop, whatever you want to call it, in the South.”
Well, let’s see if Keith can spank and whoop Wes in the next reward challenge. But first, Jeremy has something to say at “Hero Arena” when he sees his wife Val is gone. Jeremy expresses frustration, leading Rocker to do the dumbest thing imaginable and apologize for not keeping her safe. Yes, John Rocker actually apologized for something, and no, I don’t think he should have. Because the votes he needs to worry about are the people on his own tribe, and by admitting that he tried to save Val and kept this all a secret from the others—well, why would they trust him after that? This guy really has no clue how to play this game.
NEXT: Jeremy strikes back