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Survivor recap: Russell Turns On His Own

In an episode so nice they had to eliminate twice, Russell decides to rock the boat, sending one of his partners overboard

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Russell Hantz
Monty Brinton/CBS

Survivor

type:
TV Show
genre:
Reality TV
run date:
05/31/00
performer:
Jeff Probst
broadcaster:
CBS
seasons:
34
Current Status:
In Season

Wow, so much to get into with the latest episode of Survivor: Heroes vs Villains. Two immunity challenges! Two eliminations! Tears! Name calling! Colored paint showers! But I thought I would start by…

Probst: ”Hold on there a second, Dalton.”

Me: ”Jeff Probst?!? What are you doing here? Don’t you have your own EW.com blog you should be working on? What’s up with you invading my personal space, man? Oh, were you hoping to embed another hidden immunity idol clue in my recap? When you said to ‘hold on a second’ were you, in fact, referring to the second page of my recap? Is there a hidden immunity idol somewhere on page 2?! And is that why Rupert is currently shoving page 3 in his pants to make people think that he already has it?”

Probst: ”Calm down, you skinny freak. There are no more hidden immunity idols. We’ve decided to cap the number we distribute throughout each season to a respectable 4,273. The prop department just couldn’t keep up with the demand.”

Me: ”But I thought the one Sandra found was only number 3,749?”

Probst: ”It was. But then she stumbled on — and I mean literally stumbled on — another one on the way back to camp, and Parvati dug up 37 on the beach after deciphering a cryptic message we had left that read, There are 37 hidden immunity idols buried on the beach. Oh, and then the contestants were super bored around camp, so we gave them three more to use to practice juggling with. We also stuffed 48 into Colby’s bag and told him all he had to do was open it to get them, but he seemed more interested in trying to find a DVD player so he could rewatch Treasure Island, so I’m not sure if those will come into play. And then there are another 435 out there that I lost track of. I think Russell may have them.”

Me: ”Okay, well, what gives then? I need to get going on this column. So if you don’t mind…”

Probst: ”Oh, I don’t mind. The question you should be asking yourself is: Do you mind?”

Me: ”That doesn’t make any sense.”

Probst: ”Crap. You’re right. Scratch that. Okay, look, here’s the deal — you can continue writing your recap, orrrrrrrrrr you can enjoy this covered item that I have brought along to tempt…”

Me: ”I’LL TAKE IT!”

Probst: ”But I haven’t even shown you what it is yet!”

Me: ”I don’t care. I’ll take it.”

Probst: ”Let me get this straight: Here we are, a pivotal episode in one of our most dramatic seasons ever, and you’re ready to call it quits right off the bat, just to get your hands on whatever is under here. Is that right?”

Me: ”That about sums it up. And if that is a can of Milwaukee’s Best under there, it will all be worth it.”

NEXT: Gone in 60 seconds