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Survivor recap: Cannibals on the Loose!

Instead of devouring their common enemy, the members of Galu begin eating their own

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Survivor Monica
Monty Brinton/CBS

Survivor

type:
TV Show
genre:
Reality TV
run date:
05/31/00
performer:
Jeff Probst
broadcaster:
CBS
seasons:
35
Current Status:
In Season

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” — George Santayana

I share these words of wisdom from the poet and philosopher with the Galu tribe, who obviously have flunked Survivor History 101. A simple viewing of last season, Survivor: Tocantins, would have revealed the following: The Timbira tribe went into the merge up in members 5-4, and after Joe was removed for an ouchie on his knee, they were up a commanding 5-3. Instead of picking off the 3 remaining Jalapao members, they turned on each other (fueled by several bizarre man-crushes on J.T.), lost their numbers advantage, and were eventually picked off one by one. And herrrrrrrrre we go again. Galu goes into the merge up 8-4, and it takes them all of half an episode to start turning on each other instead of fighting the common enemy. Make no mistake about it: This is not a smart strategic play by someone on the bottom of the totem pole joining up with others to improve their positioning. This is two entire separate totem poles duking it out while the people they are supposed to be ganging up on sit back, order some beers, and enjoy the awesomeness that is a no-holds-barred totem pole grudge match. (Sounds like something you’d see in between innings at a minor league baseball game.)

Are the numbers still in Galu’s favor? Yes. Will someone from Galu still win? Probably. But that doesn’t change the fact that when you start fires this early, you get burned. Just ask Erik. My favorite thing of the entire ordeal was…. Well, scratch that — my favorite thing of the entire ordeal was actually the way that Brett awkwardly left Erik hanging on an aborted high-five attempt after he had been voted out, but mysecond favorite thing was that this entire cockamamie plan to oust Monica was not Erik’s at all. It was John’s. In fact, when John first proposed it, Erik’s reaction was right on the money. “No, no, no,” he and I responded in unison. However not only did John convince him, but somehow Erik then became the man to spread the gospel all over the rest of the camp, making him the target. Dude, the only thing worse than taking credit for a bad idea is taking credit for someone else’s bad idea. That’s like me claiming to have invented the formula for New Coke, or going around telling everyone I wrote the screenplay for Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man. Sure, a few people might say to themselves, “Hey, that guy must’ve gotten to hang out with Don Johnson.” But the majority of them would say “Hey, that guy is a freakn’ moron!” And I would be! (By the way, just to be clear: I did not write the screenplay for HD & the MM. That honor would go to Don Michael Paul, whose most recent credit is for penning and directing something called Who’s Your Caddy?, which currently resides as the 28th lowest rated movie EVER on IMDB.com. Not to pile on or anything.)

NEXT: Russell can’t stop showing people his idol

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