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Survivor recap: I'm With Stupid!

Dreadlocked Russell and Shambo compete for the highly coveted title of Dumbest Survivor

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Survivor Russell S
Monty Brinton/CBS

Survivor

type:
TV Show
genre:
Reality TV
run date:
05/31/00
performer:
Jeff Probst
broadcaster:
CBS
seasons:
34
Current Status:
In Season

Before we get to the most recent Survivor shenanigans, note the date and time, people: October 16 at 12:05am. Note it because I’ve finally gotten around to joining the 21st century and have just set up a Twitter account. So if you want to follow me and find out when any hot newSurvivor scoop goes up, head on over to my depressingly bare Twitter page. We can be friends! Oh, wait, that’s Facebook. What are we on Twitter, followers? Whatever. Anyway, see you there.

Okay, I’ll admit it: I’m a bit of a talker. I talk to others, I talk to myself, and yes, I even talk to the TV. Now, usually my one-way conversations with the television set are relegated to when my beloved Washington Redskins are getting their collective ass kicked by a previous winless team. It goes something along the lines of “No, don’t run an outside sweep play from your own end zone!” Or “No, don’t burn all your timeouts with 8 minutes still left in the game!” Or “No, please don’t draft another wide receiver that doesn’t know how to catch the ball!” That all may be a bit confusing for you non-football fans out there, but that’s okay — I’m equally confused as to why I continue to root for such a sad sack squad.

But there’s another show that can make me scream at my TV in utter frustration, and the show is Survivor. There were two incidents (just moments apart) in this past episode that had me particularly galled. Galled, I say!

Galling Incident #1

The situation: Galu has just won the Survivor Smoothie reward challenge, so tribe leader Russell has to pick someone to miss out on a scrumptious feast and instead go back to hang out with the losers at Foa Foa. And the person he picks is the same person he picked last time, Shambo. It leads to this mildly brilliant exchange:

Russell: ” I’m gonna send my girl Shambo again.”

Shambo: “Excuse me?”

Russell: “We need more info, babe.” (By the way, what the hell does that even mean? Like other people can’t bring info back?)

Shambo: “I don’t think that’s very fair since I’ve already been”

Russell: “What do you want me to do?” (Sorry to interrupt again, but what the frak is Russell talking about here? Anyone?)

Shambo: “Can you spread the love for me?”

Silence.

What I yelled at my TV: “Moron! That’s even more idiotic than picking pillows over a tarp! “

Why I yelled it: It’s quite simple, really. Why the heck would you send someone twice to build bonds with the other tribe? By doing this, Russell, you’re practically begging Shambo to flip on you at the merge and join whatever remains of the Galu tribe. She likes them better already, so now you’re going to give her another reason to be mad at you and gravitate towards them? Not smart. It’s always the person at the bottom of one totem pole that switches sides to join the other one, and the person at the bottom for Galu is Shambo. Personally, I would have sent myself or my biggest ally — someone I was sure wouldn’t flip on me later in the game. You said you were punishing her for the chickens. You better pray she doesn’t decide to punish you back later in the game.

NEXT: Shambo one-ups Russell