“I just started kinda feeling around, and looking at the skirt, and then lift up the skirt on the backside of it and saw a little hole.” — Brendan
Uh…ooooooooookay. Not quite sure how to start the column off after a quote like that. I mean, let’s just break it down for a second here. This pervert Brendan is talking about groping something. Then when the groping isn’t good enough, he starts checking out the skirt. Then when checking out the skirt isn’t enough, he begins lifting up the skirt. That’s better. He likes that. But then he wants more. So much more. So he starts looking at “the little hole”. Now, don’t start writing nasty comments to me on the message boards: This is what he said! His words! Are they being taken a little out of context? Perhaps. But think about it, are they any more respectable in context? I mean, basically, he’s talking about pulling an object out of a statue’s ass. Is that really any better?
I’ve been a bit torn on Brendan. I liked him enough to make him my episode 1 pick to win it all. But he also can be annoying when he keeps going to great pains to refer to himself as an “entrepreneur.” He seems like a smart, likable fellow. But then he couldn’t figure out what “tribal homelands” meant. And next thing you know he’s molesting statues. Of course, I’d be molesting statues too if they had a hidden immunity idol stuck inside them. So good for you, Brendan. I just hope you at least gave the statue some dinner beforehand. And I hope you’ll still stop by to visit from time to time while retrieving tree mail. Don’t let things get awkward between the two of you. Neither of you came looking for a showmance — it just happened. Two crazy kids out in the wilderness — something was bound to go down. Of course it would never work out in the real world; you come from two totally different walks of life. But there’s no reason why you can’t still be friends. And perhaps friends with benefits, if you play your cards right.
But Brendan’s shenanigans were just part of a super Timbira-heavy episode. Things started off at the tribe with Coach claiming his intelligence had been insulted by Erinn. No offense, Coach, but I have a feeling there are plenty of people who have been posting here on the message boards who could insult your intelligence a million times more than Erinn ever did. Erinn just claimed to be hanging out with Candace because she didn’t trust her. People here will flat-out call you stupid. I know, because I slave over a keyboard and a Milwaukee’s Best every week bringing them TV watches and they often call me stupid, so you, my friend, don’t stand a chance.
NEXT: Blink and you’ll miss Jalapao