HEY, EVERYONE. WELCOME BACK TO THE SURVIVOR TV WATCH! I HOPE YOU DON’T MIND THE ALL-CAPS, BUT I’M ON A MISSION TO SEE IF I CAN TYPE AS LOUD AS CRYSTAL TALKED WHILE CASTING HER VOTE AT TRIBAL COUNCIL. I UNDERSTAND IT MAY BE A LITTLE DISTRACTING AT FIRST, BUT I’M SURE YOU’LL GET USED TO IT IN A FEW PARAGRAPHS OR SO. WHAT’S THAT? THIS IS MAKING YOU WANT TO STEAL ALL MY COOKIES AND THEN STUFF ME IN A COOKIE JAR AND PLAY SKEET SHOOTING WITH THE JAR, THEREBY BLOWING ME TO SMITHEREENS? Fine, I’ll stop. Happy?
But then allow me to start by saying this: As someone who firmly believes that the less you know going into an episode, the more you will enjoy it, I absolutely, positively hated, hated, hated the new fangled “Previously on Survivor” recap. By eschewing the traditional here’s-what-happened-in-the-exact-order-it- happened recap format for one that placed so much emphasis on Bob’s fake hidden immunity idol, the intro was basically screaming at us what to expect, which can’t help but lessen the shock when it actually did. Sorry, it’s just a pet peeve of mine: Don’t expect me to be surprised when you’ve already ruined the surprise for me! And this goes for the “next week on Survivor” as well. Why show us Bob explaining that Marcus had secretly pocketed the other immunity idol that he pretended to toss out to sea? Sure, the hope is that it gets people interested enough to come back and watch the episode. But guess what, Survivor fans are going to come back to watch the episode no matter what you show. You could preview me discussing the highs (Bloodsport, Cyborg) and lows (Double Team, Kickboxer) of the Jean-Claude Van Damme filmography and people would still come back to watch the damn show. (By the way, JCVD + Celebrity Survivor = GOLD!) Plus, now by the time we actually see it happen in the episode (whether Bob is telling the truth or if it’s all just a ruse) it will only pack about one-tenth of the punch. Okay, rant over. Thanks for indulging.
It’s better to burn out than fade away Neil Young once opined, and burn, baby, burn certainly became Randy’s modus operandi. The guy who kept his temper and disdain in check for the first few weeks finally lost it. In fact, the episode began with Randy and Corinne arguing as to who hated the rest of the tribe more. We’d soon have our answer to that one once the players were summoned to the Survivor auction.