Crystal: What is it that I did to Randy for Randy to be bashing Crystal so much at Kota camp?
Randy: Okay, you want a list?
Man, I had to go check a calendar after watching this last episode of Survivor: Gabon, because I could have sworn it was the Fourth of July judging by all the fireworks on display. Actually, it was more like a boxing match with plenty of punches to the gut. In this corner: an Olympic gold medalist in the sport of trash talking. She’s big, she’s bad (at least in challenges), and she can knock you over faster than a bowl of rice (well, maybe not rice). She’s known in these parts as the Tribal Council Terror. Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for CRRRRRRYYYYYSSSSSTALLLLLL COOOOOOX!!! And in the other corner: He’ll videotape your wedding, rub it in human feces, and make you eat it for dessert. His questionable temper is matched only by his questionable taste in tropical shirts. He’s the self-proclaimed king of Gabon. Ladies and gentlemen, a round of applause if you will for the ornery, the testy, the wild man of the wild, RRRRRRRAAAAAAANDYYYYYYY BAAAAAAAAILEEEEEEY!!!
I was getting all psyched for a tribal council beatdown of epic proportions, but then something somewhat uncomfortable happened: Randy started yelling at Crystal about how she and G.C. acted back at the original Fang. Fair enough; they were both pretty useless and moody. But then he threw this in: “You and your posse ran the tribe like it was a gang.” Whooooooa there, cowboy. Am I the only one who cringed when he said this? Maybe I’m at fault for being one of those oversensitive, bleeding heart, tree-hugging East Coast liberals that everyone loves to make fun of, but when I hear a white dude describing two black people as a “posse” and a “gang,” well, it just makes me wince. Let me be clear about something: I’m not labeling Randy a racist. Don’t know the guy well enough to come to any sort of conclusion about that. (I do know that in our pre-game interview he promised to be an equal opportunity offender, giving hell to both contestants and the host. Just watch him go!) Plus, I wasn’t there. Tribal council gets presented to us after it’s been through a chop shop of editing. Maybe he amended or clarified his statement. I have no idea, so I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt and just say that it was a…poor choice of words.
Crystal, surprisingly, did not fight back after that. I say surprisingly because while staying quiet is always the way to go in a situation like that, Crystal has never been one to exactly keep her anger in check. Neither has most of this cast, really. In fact, when you think about Michelle, Kelly, Crystal, G.C., Randy, and Corinne — this has been one of the angriest casts in history. Lighten up, people! It’s never raining there. It’s not 115 degrees as in many Survivor locations. There are barely any bugs. You didn’t really even have to build a shelter. Don’t you realize how easy you’ve had it?! Try one day in Guatemala and get back to me.
NEXT: Matty gets down