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Survivor recap: The Lame Game

An elephant sighting riles up the Fang tribe, but nothing can distract from G.C.’s poor gameplay

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Survivor Danny Brown
Monty Brinton/CBS


TV Show
Reality TV
run date:
Jeff Probst
Current Status:
In Season

Osten is pissed. I mean really pissed. He’s heard the talk. He knows the word on the street. And he doesn’t like it. All this chatter about G.C. being the lamest Survivor contestant ever — well, Osten from the Pearl Islands season doesn’t want to hear it. He called me up last night to explain.

Osten “What the hell? I mean, seriously, what the f—ing hell? Why is everyone ready to crown this clown the worst ever?”

Dalton “Well, Osten, I mean…he was pretty damn bad.”

O “Oh, please. I was much worse. Much, much worse. No way is this punk taking my title.”

D “I can’t really argue with you, Osten. You were horrible on many levels.”

O “Yes! Yes, I was! Exactly! Now, that’s what I’m talking about!”

D “But G.C. was so versatile in his uselessness, and I’m sorry, Osten, but you simply have to respect that.”

O “Respect nothing! Did the dude show up as big as a house, mock the less physically imposing members of his tribe, and then fold like a cheap suit? My lameness far surpasses his.”

D “Look, I hear ya. But there was just something special about G.C. Something about the way he simply stopped competing in challenges. Something about the way he accepted the role of leader, and then simply refused to lead. Something about the way he argued about rice with every member of his own tribe. Something about the way he went AWOL in his kayak before an immunity challenge and then, upon being informed that his tribe almost left without him, responded by saying, ‘That would have been cool with me.’ And finally, there’s just something about that goofy-ass nickname. These are facts, Osten. You simply can’t deny the facts.”

O “But he didn’t quit! I quit, he didn’t. End of story.”

D “He totally quit.”

O “Then why didn’t that big meanie, Jeff Probst, make him say the words ‘I quit’ and humiliate him the way he did me by throwing his torch down at tribal council? Riddle me that, Ross!”

D “Because Probst has gotten a little gun-shy since he was accused of pushing Janu to quit in Palau. Not to mention the fact that you opened the floodgates to quitters, so producers are now content to let people simply ask their tribemates to vote them off instead of having every other tribal council become one big Quitters Row.”

O “See, you just said it yourself! I’m the pioneer when it comes to quitting. They’re all just swiping my hype!”

D “You know what, Osten? You’re right. You are the lamest. But look, I have a column to write. Can I go now?”

Actually, Osten had already hung up, since he is not exactly one to see things through to the end. But he did convince me that he is, in fact, lamer than G.C. Just not by much. I talked with G.C. before the game started (although I insisted on calling him Danny), and he was a totally nice guy. A young guy still searching for himself, to be sure, and a guy who didn’t strike me as particularly interesting or engaging, but he was pleasant enough. I do remember thinking to myself, damn, this dude needs a Jolt cola or something. The excitement and energy didn’t seem to be there. I’m not exactly sure how the hell he made it through casting.

NEXT: Ricegate 2008