Let me tell you what I remember about my interview with Jacquie right before Survivor. Nothing! Seriously, I was talking to Probst to get his thoughts on all the contestants a few weeks ago, going down the list of names, and when Jacquie came up, I honestly couldn’t remember who the hell she was. Probst started to describe her, and I still couldn’t place her. (And this is after spending a week around her.) Finally, I had to go back and watch the interview I did. She was nice, attractive, totally pleasant. And totally forgettable. At least in terms of making a mark in a cutthroat game like Survivor. For that reason, I was happy to see her go. Kelly is sure to inspire more drama with her do-nothing philosophy and insult-everyone attitude. That’s just good TV, folks. Plus, as Ken the gamer pointed out approximately 152 times, she’s H-O-T! (Again, good TV.)
Of course, when the episode began, it appeared Kelly’s days were indeed numbered, with Ace describing her as the “next lamb to the slaughter.” But any tribe dissention at Kota was nothing compared to what was going on at Fang, where Ken and Randy were arguing about how much rice they should be eating. Speaking of Ken and feasting, the bugs are simply chowing down on him. Did you check out his arms in glorious high definition? Those bugs certainly aren’t adhering to Randy’s one-meal-a-day mantra. Out of this argument emerged a tribe clearly divided: Ken, G.C., and Crystal on one side; Randy, Matty, Dan, and Susie on the other. Sweet! Now we can see how these two not-so-fierce factions will do battle with each other. Which side will prevail? Who will determine the fate of Fang? It will be a battle royale!!!! Only now they’re mixing up the tribes and it doesn’t matter.
But why just mix the tribes up when you can throw some bruised egos into the mix as well? At first, I wasn’t really into the whole rank-your-tribemates-from-most-to-least-important thing because it seemed like a cheap ploy to just incite some drama by getting people upset at each other (you know, low-rent Big Brother style). And it kinda was. But there was also a strategic element to it that I liked, and one which Ken clearly figured out when he selected last-place-ranked outcast Kelly over Bob and Sugar, figuring the other two would easily align with Ace. (Smart play, Ken! Let’s all go celebrate by eating the rest of the rice! PS: Don’t invite Randy.) I’m not sure why Probst called Ken’s choice the most surprising decision so far in the game (unless he was being sarcastic). I mean, he’s a gamer who hasn’t kissed a girl in 5 years, and she’s a stunning beauty in need of companionship. Was there ever any doubt?
NEXT: The great pimp-off