Poor Amanda. She spent 39 days suffering in China, went home for a few months, and then spent 39 more days getting rained on in Palau. She made it to the very end twice — the only Survivor contestant ever to do so. She won the final challenges of each season and got to hand-pick her finale opponents. And what does she have to show for it besides two crappy-ass final tribal council performances? Now, make no mistake about it, Amanda wasn’t as insanely awful this time as she was in China, when she basically handed Todd a million dollars on a silver platter, but she wasn’t very good either. Her low point came when Cirie asked her why Parvati deserved to be there over her, leading the doe-eyed dummy to give a speech on what a ”powerhouse” Parvati was and how she made so many bold decisions, in essence telling the jury to vote for the person sitting next to her.
Here’s the thing: Amanda was no slouch in this game. She was smart enough to ask to be sent to Exile Island so she could go find the hidden immunity idol, and then sold it to her tribemates that she didn’t have it. She won challenges. She was completely left out of the loop on a major decision (to get rid of Ozzy) yet still managed to reinsert herself back into a position of power. But then she got back to the final tribal council and just refused to own it. And thus the game became Parvati’s.
I don’t have a problem with that. Love her or loathe her, Parvati played a totally solid game. Probably the second best strategist out there this season after Cirie. But first let’s look at what went down in the season finale leading up to this Shallow victory (no pun intended). The episode began with the women doing a very awkward victory dance and laughing at how stupid men are. Like men that have immunity idols but don’t use them. Or men who win immunity and then give it away. Or men who stay up late at night drinking cheap beer and writing recaps of reality shows for no particular reason. Men like that. Look, I love what the women have done this season. I think it’s awesome. I just don’t need them to hammer their awesomeness down my throat every two minutes. That ”stir the pot” dance of theirs is already about as old as the macarena or electric slide.
So what else would they do with no men around? Well, Parvati scaled a tree and cut down a bushel of coconuts. Honestly, had I been there with her, I probably wouldn’t have been much help. Of course, that’s because I would have been busy barfing after getting a close-up view of her big bitten and sore-covered legs. As for Natalie, she revealed that she felt she needed to be more of a bitch in real life. Uhhhhhhh, okay. You do that. A piece of advice, Natalie: The black-widow thing works wonders in Survivor. In real life, it just kinda makes you trashy. Save it for the game, babe.
NEXT: The girls heart each other