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Survivor recap: Good Vs. Evil

Born-again Leslie runs up against lecherous Jean-Robert. Who gets kicked out of the Survivor: China garden? Who cares? Jeff Probst & Company are in top form.

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Jean
Monty Brinton

Survivor

type:
TV Show
genre:
Reality TV
run date:
05/31/00
performer:
Jeff Probst
broadcaster:
CBS
seasons:
34
Current Status:
In Season

Man, what a great episode of Survivor this was. The girl-on-girl wrestling. The eavesdropping. The seemingly endless supply of classic one-liners (many spread out below). It was all there. But then, all of a sudden, my DVR starting crapping out on me. (Yes, stop the presses — I finally got a DVR.) During the immunity challenge, whenever a contestant would cut through a crucial rope with a machete, my DVR would seize up momentarily with some bizarre, zoomed-in freeze-frame. What the hell?But wait, it’s not my DVR after all. Maybe I’m drunk. Perhaps those years of Milwaukee’s Best consumption have finally caught up to me. But wait, I’m not drunk. At least not yet. So again, I ask: What the hell?

Okay, I may quibble with this disturbing camera/editing work, but otherwise, let me say this: Those cagey bastards at Survivor have done it again! Every time they have come out with a lame season (Africa, Thailand, Vanuatu, Guatemala), they have been lucky enough to follow it with a good one (Marquesas, Amazon, Palau, Exile Island), and it looks like the streak will continue, because China is already a thousand times more engaging than the Season That Shall Not Be Named.

”Like I’m gonna keep anyone warm. I weigh seven pounds. I can’t even keep myself warm. Get off of me.” — Courtney, referring to a snuggling-for-warmth Jean-Robert

The Jean-Robert snore-and-snuggle show was just the beginning of an episode filled with Fei Long dissension. Next thing you know, James and Aaron were arguing about how to eat the tribe’s single crab, with James ending the conversation by letting us know that ”I feel like Crocodile Dundee,” which is a bit curious, because he sure doesn’t look like Crocodile Dundee. Meanwhile, over at Zhan Hu, something was afoot that you don’t see every day: a tribe arguing with somebody for working too hard. Zoolander Dave couldn’t stop working on his little fire pit, and after his drunky-skunky turn in the last immunity challenge, his comrades wanted him to conserve his strength. But why conserve strength when you can…go naked?

”James saying, C’mon over, come visit my boat.” — Jeff Probst

That’s a somewhat odd quote — even odder when you consider that gravedigger James just happened to be in his underwear ready to wrestle with naked former model Dave. This reward challenge was one of those events that are so shameless, so gratuitous, and sooooo much fun to watch. There was girl-on-girl, boy-on-boy — something for everyone. I do remember thinking to myself, Hmmm, I wonder if Fei Long will regret sitting Courtney out in this one since it means they’ll now have to use her in the immunity challenge. Me? I would always wait until immunity time to sit my weakest players. You can keep your pillows and blankies, thank you very much.

”The people who pray the most, sin the most. That’s why they prayin’, ’cause they know they goin’ to hell.” — James on Leslie

”A million dollars is one thing, but if you can get a million dollars and some ass?” — Jean-Robert on Courtney

These two quotes basically sum up the oh-so-savvy strategy session between James and Jean-Robert, a session oh-so-savvy that they allowed themselves to be overheard by Courtney and Todd. The reasoning of James and Jean-Robert went a little something like this: Leslie talks about God too much and that freaks us out, plus Courtney is kind of hot and maybe we can roll over on top and smother her with our manliness in the middle of the night. Grunt. Keep pretty girl. Grunt.

Wow, I guess I had the gravedigger all wrong. He seemed like a gentle giant back in week 1 when he was telling Leslie how he has trouble socially. Next thing we know he’s mocking her religious beliefs and voting her ass off. Swell guy!

NEXT: Praying for time