I’ve heard a lot of Survivors call other Survivors some pretty horrible things over the years, but for some reason, Mr. Farty really stands out for me. There’s nothing particularly ingenious about it. Jane simply took Marty’s name, realized her good fortune in that it rhymed with “farty,” and rolled with it. But, see, the average insulter would have stopped right then and there and called it a day — sufficiently pleased with their comedic word play. But not Jane. By simply adding a “Mr.” prefix, she took it to a whole different level. There’s just something about Mr. Farty that is so insanely absurd that you have no choice but to love it. Seriously, Mr Farty. It just has a certain je ne sais quoi about it. And the fact that the game of Survivor has reduced 56-year-old Jane to busting out kindergarten-level insults is truly amazing. (Go to any playground and say the words “Mr. Farty” and I guarantee you they will think you are the funniest person on the face of the planet. And you know what? YOU WOULD BE!) But this was just one in a long line of insults in what is becoming an increasingly testy season of Survivor. Let’s take it from the top.
Things start off at Libertad on night 22 with NaOnka saying she feels bad for Jane because Marty “was going too hard on her. He’s throwing punches that she couldn’t block.” Wow, such empathy. That doesn’t sound like NaOnka at all! She continues and notes that if it were her, she would have hit him “really, really hard.” Okay, that sounds like NaOnka. For his part. Marty says everyone on the tribe is stupid for being hoodwinked by his sudden arch-nemesis Jane. He tries to sell Benry and Dan on a plan where they tell everyone they are voting out NaOnka, but then vote Jane out instead, thereby flushing out NaOnka’s idol and sending Jane home. Dan likes any plan that involves no decision-making nor movement from the waist down on his part, while Benry likes any plan that allows him to make snide comments at the voting urn. They’re both sold!
Meanwhile, Jane tells the camera how much she hates Marty and that, “I’d like to take him to the woodshed and kick his ass.” Poor Mr. Farty. (Side note: Anyone else notice the passing gas theme of Survivor: Nicaragua? We already had a challenge where players had toilets strapped to their backs, NaOnka let one fly last week after devouring salami, and now we’re busy discussing Mr. Farty. What gives? Maybe it’s because this season kinda…well, stinks.) MOVING ON!
The contestants are then told to “COME ON IN, GUYS!” by Jeff Probst and they arrive to find a reward challenge that will force them to burst through hay, sticks, and bricks, much like the three little pigs. The only thing missing is Jimmy T. chasing them down in a Big Bad Wolf costume. (“Hey, give me a shot at it! I’d make a great wolf! I’m Jimmy T!”) In what proves to be the least random division in randomly divided history, all the men end up on one team and all the women on the other. When this happened, producers were no doubt shaking their heads on the sideline moaning, “God, can anything go right for us this season? Seriously!” This is because there is no way the women were going to be able to burst through the sticks and bricks as quickly as the men. Only an idiot would think they could. Wait, did somebody just mention Chase?
NEXT: Why is Purple Kelly crying? (Maybe because people continue to call her Purple Kelly?)