A little to the left. No, that’s too much. Now a little to the right. Ah, perfect. Perfectly centered annnnnnnnd…SNAP! Wow, that is an awesome picture I just took of the half-consumed can of Milwaukee’s Best residing on my coffee table. Oh, hello there. You’ll have to excuse me. I’m just making memories with my incredible new Evo phone from Sprint. In case you didn’t know, it’s the first 4G phone out there! (At least that’s what Jeff Probst tells me.) Whether you’re building a shelter out of a crate of Home Depot materials, watching the latest idiotic Jack Black movie, or just chillin’ in Casa de Charmin, the Evo from Sprint will help you relive all those crazy times with a simple press of the button. That’s right — the Evo from Sprint is there every step of the way as you…Wait, hold on a second. I have a call! It’s my mom. Oh my God! I haven’t talked to my mom in, like, three-and-a-half hours. This is amazing! “Mom, is that you? (Sniffle, sniifle.) I love you, mom. I love you so much! I never realized how much I loved you until we were apart for three-and-a-half hours and all of a sudden this dramatic piano music started coming out of nowhere. And now I can’t stop crying. And the more I cry, the louder the music gets. And the louder the music gets, the more I start crying. It’s a vicious cycle, dammit! Thank God we’re capturing this all thanks to the technological magic of the Evo. It’s sooooooooo much better than that lame Palm Pre they kept trying to sell me on Survivor: Samoa.”
Ah, yes. Making memoires, indeed. But the Survivors themselves were making some memories of their own this week. Some good, some bad. Here are the impressions each made on me in the penultimate episode as we head into Sunday’s finale.
Dude, STOP promising to bring people on reward challenges with you! He burned Sash last week and then was up to his old schizophrenic tricks once again, telling Fabio, “I promise, it will be you, me, and Sash.” Cut to him winning and taking Sash and…Holly? Chase’s problem is that he is trying to please everyone. (I learned a long time ago — like, say, when I wrote the Jimmy T column — that that is impossible.) So he tells people what they want to hear to make them happy, not realizing he is pissing them off even more when he then goes back on his word. You could even see his overwhelming need to please people and be liked when he asked Jeff what would happen to the people that didn’t get to go on the reward. “They will be taken and executed,” replied Probst, “as with any good challenge.” Hey, you ask a stupid question….
Chase then seemed legitimately shocked when Fabio expressed outrage over not being chosen. (“You know I would have taken you and your mom because I know how much your mom means to you,” pouted Fabio “You know that!”) Later, when Jane confronted Chase, Holly, and Sash about whether they were turning on her and voting her off, Chase tried to shift the blame, saying it was Holly and Sash that wanted to do it. I was truly amazed at how poorly this was handled, but it turns out the good ol’ boy was just warming up. This was the mere appetizer before the main course of awkwardness at Tribal Council.
NEXT: Holly’s hubby goes bonkers