We gave it a B+
Here’s the thing about Hell: It’s a lot like a kindergarten classroom. Without a teacher in charge, things fall apart. And there’s always that one kid who freezes, unsure of what to do, and waits for the next authority figure to give him/her instructions. In this case, that kid is Drexel, the demon currently standing guard at the throne and wondering when Lucifer will pull them out of “chaos.” “He will make Hell great again,” he tells his fellow demons. But for now, Lucifer’s a little busy, so instead, Asmodeus walks in. Asmodeus, it turns out, is the fourth Prince of Hell, and he’s going to run things until Lucifer can return. He and his Southern twang are ready to return Hell to the days of fire and brimstone. His top priority? Finding Lucifer’s son.
Speaking of Jack, he’s currently sleeping in the back seat of the Impala while Sam and Dean disagree on just about everything. Sam is hoping “the kid” can help them save mom, but Dean doesn’t think they can fix what happened to mom. As for Jack, Dean’s ready to kill “it,” as soon as he figures out how.
Meanwhile, mom and Lucifer are putting on their own episode of Running Wild With Bear Grylls — minus Bear, sadly — as they venture through apocalypse world and Lucifer explains why he’s not interested in killing Mary: If Sam and Dean have Jack, then he intends to exchange Mary for his son. You know, if they ever get out of here. And here is a place where angels spontaneously throw fireballs at you. But hey, at least it gives Mary the opportunity to put some distance between herself and the devil.
Back in Hell, Asmodeus gives Drexel — but really the audience — a quick history lesson in terms of his relationship with Lucifer: It seems Lucifer is the one responsible for the scars on Asmodeus’ face. Back in the day, Asmodeus freed the shedim — some sort of savage creature that was so dark God wouldn’t allow them into the light — because he thought he could train them, but apparently, Lucifer feared the shedim and locked them up. In his disappointment, he then scarred Asmodeus. That humiliation then forged an eternal bond. “I am his to command,” Asmodeus says.
Up on earth, Dean is harder to command, but Sam eventually convinces him to pull over — all it took was Dean hallucinating sheep on the road — so that the guys can spend a night at a hotel and get something to eat. And Jack LOVES it. Well, mostly he loves the TV in their room, especially when it’s showing Scooby-Doo re-runs (a nice nod to this season’s upcoming crossover). But it takes Dean about three seconds to kick Jack to the couch with none other than the Bible as his recommended reading material.
Dean and Jack then chow down on some burgers while Sam wards the room. (Hotels everywhere MUST have signs up banning these guys if they go around spray-painting every room they stay in.) In an adorable twist of events, Jack has decided to learn how to behave based on Dean, as he copies his every move, even grabbing a beer despite the fact that he’s the ripe old age of “3 days, 17 hours, and 42 minutes.”
Jack then starts asking questions about what he read in the Bible, particularly the fact that it mentions his father. “Oh yeah, he’s big in the Bible. Lots of screen time,” Dean jokes. Also, we get this great interaction.
Dean: “He’s Satan.”
Jack: “And that’s bad?”
Dean: “Damn straight.”
Then there’s God. “Is he famous or something?” Jack asks. Sam explains that God, you know, created everything, and Jack realizes that God is his grandfather. And family is a good thing…sometimes.
Sam then decides to take this opportunity to ask Jack about his powers. For example, can he teleport? Only, he doesn’t know what that means, so Dean puts it more simply: If he wanted to be on the other side of their room door right now, what would he do? Cue Jack getting up, walking to the door, and leaving the room. “It’s possible he’s more human than we thought,” Sam says.
Moments later, the boys hear footsteps outside the room. (And yes, this is after they let Jack back in.) They open the door to find a soulless Donatello, who claims that whenever he’s at a moral crossroad, he asks himself, “What would Mr. Rogers do?” (It’s something we could all learn from, honestly.) As for why Donatello is in Wyoming, he claims that a few days ago, he was knocked off his feet by a wave of power. He then followed that power all the way here, to Jack. All this does is make Dean realize Jack is “less human than we thought,” but Donatello claims that Jack’s power is nothing like Lucifer’s. Jack’s power is not dark or toxic. But considering that others could follow in Donatello’s footsteps and try to find Jack, Sam and Dean take him to a nearby tattoo parlor to answer a long-debated question in the fandom: Yes, Sam still has his tattoo! And they’re going to get Jack one, too. That is, if he stops throwing the tattoo artist across the room at the first hint of pain.
Once Jack accepts the pain like the mature human he is, he walks away with not one, but two tattoos to protect him. Only, both tattoos heal just moments later. Maybe they should take a page out of the Teen Wolf handbook and burn them into his skin? Or they could just return to the hotel and argue some more. As Dean puts it, you “didn’t see Cas smiting someone every time he got his teeth cleaned,” which brings up a very important question: Did Cas ever get his teeth cleaned? Suddenly, I’m worried about his dental hygiene. (Next: Michael makes his big entrance)