Stop everything you’re doing right now because the King of Hell’s mother just arrived. His mother. After months of speculation about Rowena, the witch has arrived, and unlike some people suspected, she’s not Crowley’s wife. Honestly, this took me back to the moment Olivia Pope said “Dad” in the Scandal finale. It was that good. Plus, the fact that it came at the end of an episode that was equal parts funny and dramatic only made it better. Ten seasons in and this show keeps proving week after week that it’s still got it.
We start things off this week with a hooker running from a pimp—a sentence I don’t get to write very often. But after said hooker stabs her pimp in the eye with her heel and he doesn’t die—again, what am I writing?—we get our first taste of what’s to come from Raul. Cut to Sam and Dean enjoying a decent steak for less than $10 when Dean’s phone starts blowing up with “alert thingys for monster stuff.” And by that, he means his dating app is attracting all the ladies. How could he not with a screen name like Impala67, right? Okay, here’s where my journalism degree comes into play. I paused the episode to make sure I got all the details on Dean’s dating profile. I know, I know. You’re welcome.
Here’s the rundown: Dean is 35 years old from Lebanon, Kansas. He’s seeking women and has never been married. Yes, we knew all that before, but what’s really great is the fact that some fans will recognize the last part of Dean’s profile. Jensen Ackles was once asked what Dean’s dating profile would say at a Supernatural fan convention, and the writers decided to use his response as Dean’s actual tag line. It was cut off on the screen, but it essentially reads: “Rolling through town; no strings attached.”
Then again, I don’t know what’s better: Dean’s profile or Sam reading Dean’s raunchy conversation with Shaylene. Regardless, just as Sam starts to educate Dean on the definition of “catfishing,” Shaylene shows up with enough cleavage to prove she’s the real deal. Correction: She’s less of the real deal and more of a hooker. Too bad Dean has a strict “No cash for ass” code.
But wait, so does Shaylene. Instead, she asks Dean for his soul in exchange for sex. (Honestly, how many men agree to this? Actually I don’t want to know.) Either way, you can probably guess what happens next: Within minutes, Sam and Dean have trapped the demon pimp—let me repeat, “demon pimp”—in a motel room. But when Mr. Demon Pimp—his official name—starts mouthing off to the hooker, whom he had abducted and forced into prostitution, things get out of hand. After this amazing line—”Demon from Hell beats trash from the street”—the hooker grabs the angel blade from Dean and kills the pimp. As Dean puts it, “Well, that just happened.”
Across town, we’re introduced to Raul’s Girls, the brothel at the center of this entire debacle. And when a red-haired Scottish woman enters the room, it’s evident that Rowena is ready to make her grand entrance. And so she does, by forcing Raul to puke himself to death and saving two hookers from a life of unhappiness and STDs. However, once Rowena gets the two hookers alone in a fancy restaurant, it’s evident she wants more from them. Let’s just say Rowena is looking for some new witches. According to her, there’s something called a grand coven, which decrees that there are three types of witches: borrowers, naturals, and students. Because Rowena is a natural, she can technically mentor students, but according to Rowena, she isn’t exactly grand coven-approved, which probably has to do with the fact that all of her spells end with dead humans.
NEXT: Oh, hey Cole