A hot nun and a vengeful spirit walk into a church … that’s not actually a joke. Rather, it’s this week’s episode of Supernatural. Although it wasn’t the most amazing hour of the show, it certainly served its purpose. After all, with Sam still searching for a way to cure Dean—and Rowena raising hell in, well, Hell—things are really starting to feel like we’re moving toward yet another season’s conclusion. But before we get there, we have to talk about the nuns.
Let’s kick things off with a game of Clue, shall we? Terry in a Catholic church with a candlestick. Translation: A man attends confession in Massachusetts before he’s possessed by something that forces him to gut himself with the help of a very sharp candlestick. Didn’t guess that one, did you?
Well, it happened, and now the case has caught Dean’s eye. The third suicide-by-gutting in two weeks, Dean drags his younger brother along to find out what’s going on. And just as they arrive, we get round two of Clue: A wife in a kitchen with a pair of scissors. Only this time, she chooses homicide instead of suicide when she kills her husband.
As Dean finds out the next day—thanks to some help from the hot nun Dean can’t stop staring at—the latest murder victim had been cheating on his wife. But that’s enough talk about the case. Dean wants to know what led someone so hot to live life as a nun. According to her, she’d gotten to a point in life where she felt helpless. She needed a mission. In other words, hot nun was a lot like hot Dean (is that redundant?).
Leaving the church, Sam gives Dean a harsh reality check: “Dean, she was married to Jesus.”
As the Winchesters find the common thread between all the victims—the men had done wrong by their women—the hot nun holds a therapy session with fellow nun Isabella, who talks of her time with Pierro, a talented painter and the love of her life. Suffice it to say, it’s evident that Isabella regrets her vow of chastity. The twist? Isabella and Pierro’s love story took place in 1520, when she was rejected by Pierro—he only had enough love for his art—and then sent to a convent by her father.
So while hot nun puts the pieces of the puzzle together, Dean goes to confession to try and antagonize the spirit. His idea of being a playboy? A life filled with sex … and lasagna? God, I love this man.
But after he stops talking about pasta, Dean takes a moment to really confess something: He doesn’t want to die just yet. Yes, he’s always expecting to die—and to be fair, he often does—but he’s realized that there’s more of life left for him to experience. When asked if he believes in God, he says, “I believe there is a God, but I’m not sure he still believes in us.” Yeah, Chuck. Show yourself!
However, believe it or not, the spirit is able to resist Dean’s soulful confession and instead decides to kill the priest. So while Dean and the hot nun try to find the spirit, Sam burns all of Isabella’s personal items, thinking that her spirit is tethered to something. Thankfully, Sam can’t turn down a good book, so instead of doing what Dean asked and burning everything without a second thought, he stops to read what I like to call 50 Shades of Blood, Flesh, and Bone.
In her journal, Isabella reveals that, after Pierro rejected her, she found him in bed with another woman. (So when he said he loved art, he really meant that he loved blondes.) Isabella then gutted him… and has been killing cheaters ever since.
Sam also discovers that Isabella once cut off the tip of her finger and told Pierro to grind her blood, flesh, and bone into the pigment of the painting. That’s healthy, right? Regardless, Sam has to find Pierro’s painting and burn it in order to save Dean. And in a moment that felt a lot like “Hook Man” to me—burning things in a church—Sam saves Dean just in time.
NEXT: Rowena can’t escape those pesky Winchester brothers
Once back on the road, Sam tells Dean that they have a four-wheeled confessional whenever he needs it, and Sam will be its priest. He knows that his big brother is hiding his pain by taking on missions, but as far as Sam’s concerned, the Mark of Cain is not a terminal diagnosis. Dean, on the other hand, is less convinced. (Well, either that or he can’t stop thinking about how no woman has mixed blood and bones into paint for him.)
From the Winchesters’ world to the underworld, we can’t forget about Crowley and his mommy issues. After Rowena won’t stop torturing Crowley’s demons—giving them two faces and such—she pulls the ultimate mom card on him: She asks him to help with the Grand Coven because, you know, she gave him life. And even the King of Hell can’t roll his eyes at that one.
So to make amends with his mother, Crowley brings his mommy a present in the form of a shackled Olivette, the high priestess of the Grand Coven. It takes about 30 seconds for the two women to exchange words before the real fun begins. Olivette brings up Rowena’s decision to “lay” with someone who was not himself very magical and then hatch his spawn. But here’s the thing, Olivette. That spawn you’re talking about? He’s the King of Hell. And you’re in his house now.
Left alone, Rowena beats the crap out of Olivette, who informs Rowena that the Grand Coven is not what it used to be. What took them down? Public relations, obviously. No, but seriously. Apparently the Men of Letters took the Coven’s spells and hid them in bunkers all around the world. So it’s a good thing we know two Men of Letters who have a bunker nearby, right?
Once Rowena finds out about the Winchesters, she decides that the Coven is no longer useful to her if it’s not all-powerful. But instead of killing Olivette, which was her original plan, she turns her into a hamster and lets her run in circles for a change.
Sidenote: Part of me wants this show to be retitled, Again with the Winchesters.
And with that, Rowena now has a purpose for the Winchesters (and odds are, an excuse for a new evening gown). Here’s to hoping those spells she’s looking for know a little something about the Mark of Cain.