So You Think You Can Dance has the distinction of being one of the only programs on television that reduces me to a blubbering mess. Just thinking of ”The Bench” or ”Bleeding Love” makes me want to run to a box of Kleenex, grab some chocolates, and hunker down and read a Nicholas Sparks novel while sobbing my eyes out. And I can’t stand Nicholas Sparks!
But, last night, I found myself more than an hour and a half through the show feeling… nothing. Zilch. Nada. In fact, I haven’t felt so emotionally dead since Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Because honestly, it seemed as though everyone phoned it in. (Surprising, since last week’s performance episode was so awe-inspiring.) Nigel seemed more focused on the World Cup than what was going on up on stage. The dancers looked more bored than a sleep-deprived Twilight star. The costumers forced the most heinous clothing on our dancers, and dressed Mia and Nigel as if they were Mama and Greg Brady. (As for that random ruffle on Mia’s shoulder: did it remind anyone else of Lina Lamont’s microphone-hiding flower pin?) Even the editors tried to convince us that the backstage footage shown at the beginning of the evening was live — when we clearly could tell it was from last week’s results show, based on the clothing the contestants were wearing. Laziness, laziness, laziness!
Speaking of questionable outfits, Cristina came rolling out on stage as the first dancer of the evening, wearing something Scarlett O’Hara would throw together using Aladdin’s magic carpet. But, luckily, the salsa dancer must have rubbed her genie lamp before drawing names this week, because Cristina nabbed the best prize of all: Pasha. Dancing in a genre close to her style, a Jean-Marc and France Paso Doble, Cristina was able to prove her technical know-how, hitting each spin and pose the style demands of its dancers. And though I enjoyed watching Pasha manhandle Cristina during the number (even if it made me a bit jealous — you know that I feel Pasha Is My Boyfriend), I still feel like I have that rare facial-recognition disease when it comes to the salsa dancer. Honestly, when we saw her draw Pasha’s name out of the hat, I found myself wondering for a split second, ”Who is that?” And that’s a question we’ve already established should be reserved for Ashley! (Who’s Ashley?) Last week, I gave Cristina a pass, since she was dancing with the ever-expressive Mark. But as attention-grabbing as her partner was this week, I expected to see what the judges saw from Cristina — a ”mucho caliente” performance. Instead, I found Cristina to be, well, a bit too mild for my spice-seeking taste.
NEXT: SYTYCD goes Bollywood