The judges sent the right girl and the wrong guy home last night. Before I launch into all that, though, I have to give a big ups to my colleague Schmalynda Wheaties. Why? Because Smirklestiltskin (my snark demon) is insisting I give her some rhetorical schmoochies for handling Wednesday night’s So You Think You Can Dance TV Watching duties so magnificently. Me, I’m not so sure. I think Smirkle’s just got a crush on Alynda’s mastery of the snark, because she certainly did me no favors. Well, I mean, she did me a solid by filling in, totally, but she was indeed so terrific, I feel I gotta raise my game in kind. But whereas Alynda had a two-hour feast to tear into (Kherington’s smilegate, Mary’s ensemble de midlife crisis, Susie and Marquis’ snarl of a salsa, Nigel’s apparent affinity for his crotch), last night’s results show was a mere appetizer platter, with, perhaps, one or two standout morsels, maybe three, while the rest were either clearly heated from the freezer or uneaten leftovers from the last table.
The first tasty bit, of course, was Shane Sparks’ kickin’ group number. All of you who have been lamenting Sparks’ absence from the show in the message boards must’ve been all atwitter to see his top-notch work finally return to the show (I know I was), but the absence of any shots of Shane in the studio audience, nodding in coolly fly approval at his work, remained quite conspicuous. That is, until one of the ad breaks, when a smokin’ promo played for MTV’s America’s Best Dance Crew — which features Shane as a permanent judge and is the ostensible reason he’s been MIA on SYTYCD. (Odd seeing a commercial for ”the best dance show on TV” during a show that Fox had promoted as…the best dance show on TV, no?) Perhaps it’s because he felt he had nothing left to lose, but I couldn’t help but note how much Shane showcased Twitch, Will, Joshua, and especially, Comfort and Marquis. It’s almost as if the (semi)prodigal choreographer caught the performance episode (it tapes on Mondays) and realized these two dancers were in danger and needed the spotlight STAT. (More on the success of this effort later.) (I really like parentheticals.)
I was sorely disappointed, however, to see that Mary had decided to raid the wardrobe archives of the final season of Love American Style — which strikes me as a big step back in the ”I’m far beyond my salad days” shame spiral. (Leopard prints always come after lamé, Mary. Always.) Alynda is currently Blackberrying me, meanwhile, in an attempt to get me to make fun of Mia’s Western shirt — ”she could be a farmer in those clothes” — but see, the thing is, I’m pretty sure I actually own that exact same shirt. In fact, I wore it on a date last week. Which is to say, Mia’s never looked better.
NEXT: Spicy or hot — discuss amongst yourselves