Gale: Is she dead?
Sidney: I don’t know. They always come back.
The 1997 film Scream 2 was a lot of things: A genuinely good movie, a quickie cash grab, an introduction to Portia De Rossi, and a definitive authority on when to *69 his ass. But it also provided that prescient quote above, a classic Kevin Williamson quip that skirted the line between meta-comedy and actual dread. Because they do; they always come back. Hey, speaking of which…
Scream is now the title of an MTV series about teens physically unable to send calls to voicemail, and it is currently entering its second season. Fans of the film franchise who watched season 1 met its renewal with less “Can’t wait to see what happens next!” and more “Hmm let’s try that again.” Really all you need to know about season 1 was that when the killer was finally unmasked her first line was “hashtag mind blown?” That character was rightfully shot in the head. But now it’s time for season 2, and with a new batch of showrunners and writers calling the shots this year, we have every right to hope its sequel season will be a whole different thing. And judging by “I Know What You Did Last Summer,” it already is. Let’s talk about it!
We began with the patented Scream cold open: A girl receives a menacing phone call in an otherwise empty house only to find herself on the business end of a cooking utensil.
I promise not to talk about season 1 too much more, but it was a bad sign when it decided to open with a sincere remake of the intentionally satirical Stab cold open featured in Scream 2, right down to the unnecessarily posh house and gratuitous semi-nudity. So, uh, this one was better than that one. At least the killer didn’t use Snapchat again!
But wait, this one ended up being a meta-joke, as the murdered blonde was actually a character in a horror film playing at the movie theater where Audrey worked!
As you can see from her expression, Audrey was not super jazzed about this film. Possibly because the cast wasn’t very interesting and the writing wasn’t intelligent or funny or scary at all? Or it could also have been because she was suddenly receiving texts from some mysterious buzzkill!
Apparently as one of the two people who had murdered last season’s killer, Audrey had become locally famous, which I suppose explained why randos were asking her for selfies while she was on the clock. At least a dude in a melted Ghostface mask had the courtesy of photo-bombing them.
But just when Audrey believed she was imagining another killer in her midst, she realized there was another killer in her midst!
And this time he was wearing a body camera because 2016.
Luckily Noah arrived to shout at her through the window to not get murdered, and even though Audrey kind of had the situation handled, I’m sure she appreciated the moral support. Anyway, she broke a display case and grabbed a prop ice pick and stabbed the guy!
But it turned out this was just a teen pulling a “prank” on Audrey by forcing her to relive the biggest nightmare of her life. Who among us didn’t go around traumatizing murder-survivors during our teenage years? Just a classic prank.
So, after Audrey and Noah recovered from the prank of the century, they baked a funfetti cake for Emma, who was returning to town after finding herself or going on a vision quest or whatever. Maybe she was in a mental hospital, maybe she was sleeping under a car in Reno, nobody knows for sure and maybe never will.
But she was back and she was not about to let a little PTSD get in the way of hanging out with her bland friends while possibly getting murdered by some new psycho. Emma gotta do Emma.
Also, do you even remember this guy? Please don’t lie to impress me, because no you don’t. Anyway, he was the new kid in town with whom Emma fell in love after her boyfriend got murdered and I guess he had decided to stay in town after his Sheriff father was disemboweled by a frail-looking podcast host. His hair looks better now, though, right?
NEXT: Somebody sure knows what Audrey did last summer!