Someone has been murdering! But who? Who has been murdering? Is it you? Do you murder? Is it me? To the best of my knowledge I have not been murdering, but anything is possible. I feel like we can figure this out. Who has been doing all the murdering? Sometimes I think we will one day find out who has been murdering, but the philosopher in me wonders if maybe not knowing who has been doing the murdering is the true answer. But then again, quick question: Who done it? Who done all the murdering?
This week’s episode of Scream was entitled “Let the Right One In” and I for one am grateful it was named after the original Swedish film rather than the American remake Let Me In. The Swedish one has this incredible scene in which a local gal is attacked by CGI cats. A lot of people think that scene is “dumb” or “stupid” and that’s probably why it was not included in the remake. But if it is so “dumb” and “stupid” then why do I still think about it A LOT? Why is that my favorite moment from that particular film? At least it wasn’t boring! Memorable beats boring any day.
Anyway, let’s talk about this episode of Scream.
Hold the phones, especially the ones with vocoder apps: This cold open was genuinely great! It was just a wordless sequence of Eli making himself some toast and placing his shoes on the kitchen counter and also wearing creepy aviator sunglasses. A normal morning for anyone, really. But then, wait a sec, this wasn’t the double-wide he’d been living in. It was too nice! That’s because this wasn’t his home…
That’s right, he’d been doing what Manson Family buffs call “creepy crawling” by sneaking around in someone else’s house while they were sleeping. Oh, and brandishing a knife as he did it. In my opinion Eli is a creep, but that is just my opinion, please do not flame me for it.
Meanwhile the Sheriff showed up at Emma’s house because her I.P. address had been used to send some bogus emails from a dead girl’s account. But as Chill Mom™ pointed out, Emma is no criminal mastermind. She is not a mastermind at anything except looking vaguely confused always and also seeming deeply disinterested in how her boyfriend spends his free time. Those things she is great at. Planning elaborate murders, not so much.
Even though Noah distrusted Audrey enough to secretly record her confession, he was still cool with her sleeping in his bed. The next morning they woke up and seemed to be close friends again. Next stop: The Grindhouse, where a sudden run-in with Zoe got Noah all horny again. Even with a murderer on the loose targeting his friends, Noah was still just a teenage boy with urges, please try not to hate.
If you thought Emma was ticked at Kieran for ratting her out about possessing a dead guy’s phone, you should’ve seen how mad she was about this I.P. address thing, which he again caused. She was medium ticked! (Who can tell?) Anyway, Kieran’s plotline has been suspiciously boring this season and he basically only showed up in this episode to pretend to fix a car and, like,
murder people seem jealous about Emma flirting with his cousin. Doesn’t matter.
At least Brooke was feeling a strong emotion lately. Specifically it was stress about having tied up and terrorized her former lover, Mr. Branson. And because Audrey didn’t have a ton going on, she immediately signed up to be her wing-woman in sorting this mess out.
After Emma had admitted to the Sheriff that she’d investigated an empty farm house and found creepy childhood photos of herself, he went and poked around in the place himself. And wouldn’t you know it, he also found a creepy childhood photo of Emma! But this time the adult pictured with her had had his or her face scratched out. Very heartwarming.
But seriously, that photo wasn’t even the creepiest thing in that place. There’s something truly terrifying about a kitchen that doesn’t have a stove but does have a food processor. What kind of terrible ghoul had been living here??
It was then time for Noah’s date with Zoe, and she had a whole day planned. It involved hanging out by the lake and also LYING. She just straight up lied to him about having been absent from school the previous semester to attend a SpaceX program. Except Noah had applied to the same program, and it had NOT happened during the months she mentioned. When called out, Zoe backtracked and admitted that she’d had a troubled adolescence or whatever. Also she was still a beautiful lady, so Noah wasn’t too mad about the lie. Teens!
When Brooke and Audrey finally arrived at the hotel room where Brooke had left a handcuffed Mr. Branson, she was chagrined and perturbed to discover that he was gone! But rather than feel scared or even confused, Brooke mostly just felt annoyed. How dare he escape those novelty sex handcuffs? The nerve!
But of course WE knew that there had been a be-handing and stump cauterization (ugh, the smell in that room) and Mr. Branson was probably not having a great day wherever he was. But what was this beside the coffee maker? A camera! Which had a bright red flashing light, making it invisible to the naked eye. The killer had filmed Brooke entering the empty bedroom, but why? Probably not worth losing sleep over.
NEXT: Lake wood