People love straightforward titles, and Scream‘s as straightforward as they come. Both a noun and a verb, it’s also an imperative: This will be scary and we should act accordingly. But when you have 10 hours to tell a story the films could only tell in about 95 minutes apiece, then why not use all that extra time to really explore the idea of screaming itself? What IS a scream? Yes, it’s a loud guttural response to terror — or in the case of Adele, a successful career — but how many different screams are there? Hundreds, if not thousands. This week, “Dawn of the Dead” brought us a new spin on an old classic: the underwater scream! It may not be loud, but it sure is wet.
After last week’s insane episode (literally, as it involved drug-induced insanity) provided an infusion of weirdness to a so-far pretty staid happening, “Dawn of the Dead” found Scream returning to its more typical tension-and-atmosphere-free pokiness. It didn’t help the entire episode took place under bright fluorescent lighting and was limited to about three different rooms. But there was a girl fight, so at least Scream isn’t above cheap thrills every now and again. Let’s talk about it!
We began only minutes after Jake’s bloodied, disgusting, and downright unpleasant-smelling corpse fell from the rafters and landed at Brooke’s feet. Word had spread fast, and despite the school going into immediate lockdown, Emma and Audrey pulled a boss move straight out of the Final Girl handbook: They demanded to see Brooke because they were her best friends from the last time people were getting murdered. No arguing with that. Right this way, ladies.
In a dark but very silly moment, the authorities (“authorities”) were forcing Brooke to stand in place onstage, still drenched in blood, while they could photograph the crime scene for evidence. Seems like the correct protocol.
Eventually they allowed her to go wash the rotten blood off her face and body, but the only dry clothing anyone could find for her to wear was a cheerleader outfit. That just seemed unusually cruel, but then again, this is a show about murder.
Because the students were now all locked in, the Sheriff took the opportunity to question each of them one by one. To his credit, it DID make sense to call in the Lakewood
6 5 first, as they were the most likely to know what was going on. But in my opinion, it would be easier to question hundreds of students if he had more than a single deputy on hand. Perhaps a second deputy, or even a team of FBI agents, considering this town was clearly a hotbed for serial killings. Where were those haunted hotties of Criminal Minds when you needed them?
Audrey discovered Brooke had been texting with “Jake” during a time when he was probably already dead, so I loved when she stole Brooke’s phone for the sole purpose of sending a hateful text to the killer. (I’m sure Brooke will never see that Audrey did this on her phone. It’s the perfect crime.)
But the truly funny part was that Jake’s phone suddenly wound up in Emma’s bag! Yep, someone had planted it on her, and she was the one to receive Audrey’s hurtful text. But because Emma was not thinking straight, she didn’t immediately turn the phone over. Nope, she then took suggestions from her bad-decision-making friends about whether to hide or get rid of the phone somehow. Because nothing keeps a person safer than preventing with an actual investigation! (Just kidding, nobody is actually investigating this stuff.)
Zoe was still feeling weird about witnessing her no. 1 crush Noah making out with his bi-curious bestie (BCB), and not even a sudden murder could soften her stance toward him. Plus, she was busy conspicuously reading a crime novel written by someone Amazon describes as the inspiration behind “the hit CBS TV series CRIMINAL MINDS.” So, you know, don’t mind her.
At one point, Kieran decided he needed to quickly run to his locker in order to prevent the authorities (“authorities”) from finding his GUN. Because whoops! Kieran has a gun.
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In one of the more casually shocking moments of the episode, nobody honestly cared? The Sheriff just sort of nodded understandingly at Kieran’s excuse of wanting to “protect” his friends from the killer. So yes, a teenager brought a gun to school and was borderline commended for it. Nothing icky about that. This guy knows what I’m talking about:
NEXT: A killer cameo