Welcome back to the wonderful world of the Kappas, where the Red Devil terrorized their Chanel-and-pumpkin-spice-obsessed bubble. With our “final girls” Chanel Oberlin (Emma Roberts), Chanel #5 (Abigail Breslin), and Chanel #3 (Billie Lourd) behind bars for their purported murders, we jump forward three years to see how the rest of the survivors are holding up.
However, before we see what’s kicking with the Chanels, we have to step back into the past of our hospital setting. Picture it: a dark and stormy Halloween night, where goblins, ghouls, and completely insane people can flourish in the open air. A sadistic hospital employee, played by Jerry O’Connell, joins his hook-up for a little game of “let’s dump a dead (perhaps?) body into the water.” His cohort reminds him that someone may have seen the deed being done, and he should throw away his costume so no one could identify the killer. Without a thought, he throws his green cape and matching devil mask into the water, sending the body into a watery grave. Remember the water part… it’s important.
Now, in 2016, Dean Munsch, ahem, I mean Doctor Munch is the pinnacle of feminism. Gracing the cover of TIME magazine, hosting her own TED talks, and creating the program CURE are just a few of the accomplishments she’s made since leaving the Deaning life. Her idea of a progressive and safe world is curing the diseases that even the most accomplished doctors don’t want to touch. Munsch starts her own hospital because knows that she’ll need a crack team at her disposal to keep herself in the spotlight. What better way to move forward than look back though? She visits Zayday Williams (Keke Palmer), who is busting her heels through a waitressing job to pay off her medical school loans. Like a phantom from the past, Munsch steps back into Zayday’s life and offers the former Kappa a prestigious spot in her cabinet of doctors.
It wouldn’t be a complete return to form without the Chanels though, would it? In a timely reference, the former HBICs of Kappa House were exonerated of their alleged crimes through a Netflix documentary, à la Making a Murderer, known as Entrap a Kappa Kappa: Murder on Sorority Row. Footage from the award-winning documentary is shown to reveal that Officer Denise Hemphill (Niecy Nash) is still kicking, but this time she’s taking justice into her hands on the witness stand. Using her own personal footage, Denise was able to coax a complete admission of guilt from former Chanel wannabe and Red Devil Hester Ulrich (Lea Michele). Even though Hester pulls “double jeopardy” as her defense, Denise is a step ahead, solidifying the Chanels’ release from prison. In true Poltergeist fashion the only way to describe the return of this beautifully sinister trio is, “They’re heeeeeere.”
Chanel knows her dedicated followers want to know what life after bars looks like for someone so young, and thankfully she delivers. #5 takes a job as a receptionist for a children’s dentist, but that’s most likely just so she can get a discount on work for her vagina teeth. #3 takes on a whole new level of weird, serving as a janitor for a men’s fertility clinic. As for the main Chanel, her love for blood sent her into the nursing field, where she excels on poking people with needles and setting them up for extreme pain. Seems pretty fitting for someone who murdered a housekeeper last season as a joke.
NEXT: Meet the hunky new doctors and prepare for a blood splatter fest