Perhaps we should have suspected all along that the Red Devil would be none other than Ryan Murphy muse Lea Michele (a.k.a. Hester, a.k.a. Chanel No. 6, a.k.a. Bathtub Baby), but in a season full of suspicious sorority sisters, devious deans, and peculiar parents (not to mention more than a few red herrings), there really was no way of knowing for sure how it all would end on Screams Queens. And what an unexpected yet satisfying conclusion it was.
The two-hour finale opened right where we left off with last week’s “Black Friday”: Grace balking at Pete’s admission that he’s a murderer. Now, while I suspected that he wasn’t one of the Red Devils, I never would have guessed exactly how many people he did kill in the name of some sort of perverted, vigilante justice. And he’s been involved in the scheme for quite some time. You see, Pete was lurking outside Kappa Kappa Tau the night Denise’s fellow security guard Shondell got a knife to the throat. He followed the Red Devil from the scene back to the Dickie Dollar Scholars’ house, where Boone revealed himself. Pete was going to turn him in but ended up buying all of Boone’s anti-Greek-system rhetoric — ultimately agreeing to help him off a couple of people as long as Boone ensured Grace’s safety. So romantic.
And so it was that Pete killed Roger (or was it Dodger?) and Boone and Gigi. (He had to squelch the source of the savagery, after all.) He was also the one in the mall who took a crossbow to Chanel’s shoulder, as revenge for some Clan of the Cave Bear role-playing gone wrong. However, when Pete wasn’t busy masquerading as one of Wallace University’s angels of death, he was investigating the identity of Boone’s twin by surreptitiously DNA testing the Kappas. He’s just about to tell Grace the results, when the Red Devil emerges from the closet, stabbing him, though sparing Grace. (R.I.P. Pete and your Matthew McConaughey impression. All together now for old time’s sake: All right. All right. All right.)
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Now, Screams Queens isn’t afraid to let its references show, and tonight’s episode was no exception, blatantly recalling through Chanel’s leaked “missive of all missives” the Delta Gamma incident of 2013. It’s fitting here and sets Chanel up for the next phase of her reign of terror. Namely, killing herself. She sends away for a mail-order asp so she can greet death the same way Cleopatra did. But Zayday intercedes, not only with a pep talk but with a biology lesson: That sock-ensconced slitherer is really just a harmless garter snake. Then, yet again, another meaningful moment is interrupted by the Red Devil who bursts in — seeming very much unlike him/herself. Which is explained when the girls pull off part of his disguise to reveal a pizza delivery man with dynamite strapped to his chest, muttering “She made me do it.” No sooner do the Kappas take cover than the pizza man (and his precious pie) are blown into a million little pieces. Gray matter or anchovies? We may never know.
While Chanel decamps for an image-rehabbing apology tour (first stop: Melanie Dorkus’ house), Grace hatches a plot to, essentially, pimp out her father and his righteous playlist to Dean Munsch for an afternoon to distract her long enough so she can look into the Chanels’ permanent records. And what does she and accomplice Zayday find? One particularly iffy file in which the co-ed lists Sesame Street as her home address and Sweet Valley High as her alma mater. They have their suspect — now they just have to stop Chanel from murdering Melanie, who she thinks is the Red Devil. The duo narrowly succeed, and the gang rushes back to KKT in time to find Hester lying on the ground with a high heel stuck in her eyeball — and her finger pointed at No. 5.
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