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Scream Queens recap: Seven Minutes in Hell

Kappa Kappa Tau throws a killer slumber party.

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Patti Perret/Fox

Scream Queens

TV Show
Current Status:
In Season
run date:
Emma Roberts, Lea Michele
Comedy, Horror

If ever you need to make an air-tight case for staying in on a Saturday night to binge-watch Mafia shows on A&E, use Chanel Oberlin as Exhibit A. After all, the lessons she gleaned from mob culture may very well have saved her life this week. To wit, you never want to be the boss in times of crisis — you might as well pin a “Slice me up with your ax, Red Devil Bro” sign to your back. Which is why Chanel purposefully threw the election for Kappa Kappa Tau president, ultimately splitting the vote with Zayday. (KKT bylaws state that in the event of a tie — which has never happened — the two sisters will share duties.)

Phase 2 of the Chanel Dies Last Plan? Handing over the keys to the downstairs storage room (and, by extension, acting-president duties) to Zayday. The newcomer’s first act in office is to lock all the girls in for the night and throw a slumber party. Her rationale: “There are two things that always happen at a slumber party: Someone experiments with lesbianism, and secrets are revealed.” And Zayday wants the secret of the Red Devil’s identity exposed. To that end, Grace suggests a game of truth or dare, but No. 3 is adamant that they start the festivities with spin the bottle, so she can explore her feelings for Sam (a.k.a. Predatory Lez). And the two do share a spin-the-bottle kiss after a bit of rule-rewriting, after which No. 3 finally reveals the story behind her ever-present ear muffs. You see, everyone who falls in love with her eventually goes mad, and her last boyfriend threatened to cut off her ears if he ever saw them again. So…one mystery solved!

Across campus the Dickie Dollar Scholars get wind of KKT’s PJ party and decide to crash for a panty raid. But not before Earl Grey shames Chad for boning too many old ladies. (I mean, Denise Hemphill is pretty awesome, so whatever…) Chad decides to refocus on his relationship with Chanel. And speak of the Red Devil, Chanel calls him on her Elon Musk-gifted satellite space phone to come rescue her after she discovers the Kappas have been locked in their sorority house. Apparently, the killer hacked into the alarm for Chanel’s 15,000-square-foot panic room (otherwise known as the whole of Kappa House). And, wouldn’t you know, the kill switch is on back order like some highly coveted cashmere sweater from J. Crew. With everyone locked in one house Clue-style, Hester comes to the only logical conclusion: The Red Devil plans to pick them off one by one.

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Luckily — or perhaps not so luckily — the Dickie Dollar Scholars arrive…but with the Red Devil in tow. The guys are able to break into a second-story window and climb up. All of them, that is, except for armless Caulfield, who makes it only a few rungs before he’s flung off the ladder and once again hacked by the Red Devil. This time, mortally.

But there’s no time to mourn when a game of truth or dare is afoot! And, no, you can’t lie in truth or dare, so if you pick dare, you’re going to look shady as hell. After an inquiry about No. 5’s vagina teeth, Sam is the next up and picks truth. She’s asked to reveal No. 3’s biggest secret. Worried that her feelings for Sam will be spilled, No. 3 blurts them out, just as Sam reveals that No. 3 is Charles Manson’s daughter. Two truths for the price of one! No. 3 is furious at the betrayal and dares Sam to go take a nap in the storage room bathtub. “The only feelings I have for you are rage and pissed off-ed-ness,” No. 3 sneers.

NEXT: Tub-thumping