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Scream Queens recap: Black Friday

It’s all doorbuster deals and botched cryo-murder schemes for the Kappa Kappa Taus.

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Patti Perret/FOX

Scream Queens

type:
TV Show
Current Status:
In Season
seasons:
1
run date:
07/12/15
performer:
Emma Roberts, Lea Michele
broadcaster:
Fox
genre:
Comedy, Horror

Who has time to mourn Gigi (and her delicious-smelling roasted head) when there are doorbuster deals to be had? (Black Friday is, after all, Chanel’s second favorite holiday after Chanel-o-ween.) And so, as the clock strikes midnight in the Kappa Kappa Tau house, Chanel and her minions suit up and head to the mall — despite time-out attempts from Dean Munsch. 99-cent infection-wreaking earrings for everyone! 

Down at the local precinct, Grace, Pete, and Wes are trying to report Gigi’s death to someone (anyone!), but as Detective Chisholm informs them, the entire murder squad has been fired due to, well, total incompetence in the Red Devil case. And Chisholm doesn’t seem too bothered by this turn of events — in fact, he’s now free to pursue his life-long dream of opening an interior design firm. I really hope he names it Designing Detectives and sets up shop in Atlanta. 

Now, if there was any doubt as to whom Chisholm’s replacement would be, you clearly aren’t a Scream Queens (or Arby’s) fan because as we quickly learn, it’s none other than Denise Hemphill! And she arrives at the mall just in time to try to save Chanel’s life. You see, the Kappa Kappa Taus spent the whole day (or was it night?) bargain hunting (sans liquids or cotton balls) and didn’t leave the shopping center in time — they got locked in. With the Red Devil. But while the other girls fled, Chanel stayed behind to face the serial killer she believed to be Dean Munsch in disguise. And she paid dearly for it, taking a crossbow arrow to the shoulder. It’s here — as Chanel lies on the Orange Julius-stained floor, waiting for the mortal blow — that Denise bursts in with her posse. But she wastes too much time on exposition: Her deputy gets shot, and the Red Devil escapes. 

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Back at the house, with her arm in a fur sling, Chanel makes a decision: They must kill Dean Munsch to stop the murders. And, surprisingly, goody two-shoes Grace (a.k.a. Talking Pumpkin) agrees to the plan. In fact, the only hold-out is Zayday. But how will they off Munsch? “I say we poison her,” Grace and Chanel chime in unison. 

While Kappa Kappa Tau team up, the Dickie Dollar Scholars seems to be a solitary pursuit — with Chad the only surviving member. The lone wolf invites Pete to the house for the reading of Boone’s will. Weird, right? As it turns out, Boone left everything to Pete — including his HBO Go password and a certain sex toy with a “blue gem on the business end.” Were Boone and Pete lovers? Nah. Pete claims Boone was his source into the campus’ Greek system. Or, as Pete so elegantly puts it: “He was my Deep Throat.” Anyway, it’s during this exchange that we learn Pete once tried to pledge the Dollar Scholars, but as he has no interest in golf and doesn’t own a single John Mayer CD, he was poorly qualified. Chad, however, is willing to overlook all of these facts, and extends an invitation to Pete to join the fraternity. (At this point, Chad will take whatever he can get, right?) Pete declines (and again declines Chad’s request to duel) and leaves the house with Chad ominously telling him he’s going to be murdered to death. (Certainly not a hollow threat on this show!)

NEXT: A death-defying dean