A quiet, uneventful Thanksgiving for Kappa Kappa Tau? As if! Although some sleepier moments felt rife with a Tiburon-sized shot of tryptophan, the final moments of tonight’s episode showed once again that it’s not a holiday at Wallace University without a merry murder.
We open on Chanel revealing her dastardly deed from last week’s “Ghost Stories” — pushing Hester down the stairs — to Chad. She’s angling for the now-available seat at the Radwell family dinner table. “Gravity killed Hester; I just gave her a push,” Chanel coos. Of course, Chad’s morbid proclivities mean he’s all hot and bothered by this news and wants to cool off with the corpse in the walk-in. Chanel promises to show him the body but only if he promises not to do sex things to it. Now, if you’ve been paying even the slightest attention to this show, you’re probably doubting right about now that the body is even in the freezer. And you’re right. “I don’t understand how this keeps happening,” Chanel screams when she finds the walk-in short one sorority sister. “Is this a meat locker a wormhole to an alternate universe?” Chad and Chanel depart for the Hamptons — but not without Chanel worried Hester has her number.
The rest of Kappa follows suit, dispersing for Thanksgiving. Well, sort of. No. 3 retreats to the Swenson mansion only to be banished to the back row of the family’s recliner arena to eat a frozen dinner alongside the help. Ew. She hastily returns to the sorority house and finds Dean Munsch in the kitchen butchering the aforementioned Tiburon. The Dean agrees to cook (and eat) for No. 3 but only if she’ll play a post-dinner game of charades.
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And, as it happens, Zayday and Grace have canceled their planned trip to Oakland, so they too stay in the house for an orphan’s Thanksgiving. Even though Grace’s dad lives, like, a mile away and has been stood up by Gigi. Grace ultimately takes pity on Wes and invites him over for dinner. No. 5 — abandoned by her family, who took off for the Maldives — also finds her way back.
Over at the Radwells’, it’s all open arms and limitless drumsticks as the family opens their home to Chanel. Hahahahaha. Just kidding. “Welcome, Chanel,” says dad Alan Thicke Radwell. “Chad hasn’t mentioned you. Ever.” Mom Julia Duffy Radwell and brothers Chad Michael Murray Radwell and Patrick Schwarzenegger Radwell aren’t much more hospitable. It’s during the family’s “introduce yourself and say what you’re thankful for” tradition that Hester — definitely not dead and maybe (but probably not) pregnant Hester — crashes the festivities proclaiming: “I have a little Radwell inside me.”
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