Nothing good has happened on a train since probably 2004. The Polar Express was the last happy train ride that anyone has taken in recent history — since then, it’s just been a bunch of bad rides. The Taking of Pelham 123? 100 percent out of control. That train that Marion Cotillard and Leonardo DiCaprio were waiting on? Don’t get me started.
For #TeamScorpion, it’s a little suspicious that Paige and Ralph taking a train to the science museum didn’t send up automatic red flags, but that’s beyond the point. Scorpion fans have been waiting on a train all week, and spoiler alert: It’s not a fun one.
Apparently this Million Dollar Toby subplot has been leading fans toward his first major battle. Everyone shows up — Ray even helps him enter the boxing ring Say Anything-style. The only glaring exception is Happy. After insulting his opponent, Toby is quickly knocked out cold, and even when Happy sees him the next day, she doesn’t care about his fight. For a guy that’s given up on Happy, he sure does spend a long time waiting on her.
Elsewhere, Paige and Ralph are on the subway with Ralph’s school friend and his mom, headed to meet Walter at the science museum. As their stop approaches though, the train doesn’t slow down. If anything, it speeds up. Ralph somehow estimates that the train is going 75 miles per hour, but the real mystery is what phone service Paige has that allows her to get service underground. We all have our questions.
As the train speeds up, it has 20 miles until it reaches a dangerous curve that will cause the train to derail, putting Paige, Ralph, and the other passengers in some serious danger. Even if they make it past the first curve, the train could continue to speed up, and when it crashes, everyone could die.
Paige is instructed to get as many people as possible on one side of the train. Fortunately, while Paige is being socially dominant, Ralph explains the science behind the plan to all the nonbelievers…but not before he rigs a speaker system out of Paige’s phone. It’s super causal.
Like most Scorpion missions, the team is already working on time that essentially isn’t there. Happy and Walter grease the tracks with fast food grease to ease the turn. Somehow, with Paige and Ralph’s help, the plan works, but as the train glides by, Walter catches Paige’s concerned gaze. In the midst of terror, there’s still some sexual tension. It’s scientifically palpable.
Ralph has zero time for romance, though, because, you know, certain death. He hacks into the train’s electrical system to only reveal that the train’s router is inaccessible and can’t be stopped manually. It’s going to be a long train ride…or a short one. Depends on how you look at it.
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The team figures out that someone has hacked the train and broken into the tunnel system. Cabe and the team dive in and almost immediately find their suspect. Out of all the reasons someone would steal a train and crash it, it was apparently only for gold coins.
With the suspect caught, Walter tells Happy that he’s going to jump on the train — you know, the one going approximately 90 miles an hour. Walter runs into the station and leaps onto the side of the train, but his calculations didn’t account for the junction box that he’s going to plow into within seconds of jumping on. Paige uses Ralph’s telescope to break the glass, which Ralph is not chill with. But once Walter swings in, Ralph and him work together to get the situation in order.
NEXT: Paige and a brief history of jousting