Is there a scientific principle that says the fishier the drag queen, the less sense of humor she has? Because while Miss Fame and Violet Chachki have been serving up all sorts of unagi rainbow rolls with their looks, they have remarkably low tolerance for Werk Room heat. Maybe it’s from all the effort it takes to keep that sushi raw. More on this later.
But first! I love that Max stayed in character as the polio victim even when hobbling back from the Runway. That’s the Gaga-in-“Paparazzi” commitment we want to see. At the first judging, we lost the spirited but unfortunately outdated Tempest DuJour, and not surprisingly, Kandy Ho was the one to spitefully erase Tempest’s parting message, which read, “You’re never too old to dream.” Aging, the only kind of karma that everyone can agree exists, is going to hit Kandy hard.
That wasn’t the only bit of childishness up top. Violet started pouting about Michelle’s critiques of her on the first runway about her “boy body,” going as far as to utter the words, “I hate Michelle Visage.” The other queens gasped in horror as if Violet had just used a deity’s name in vain, which, to be real, she had. She went on to console herself by saying, “Ewww, Michelle,” and, “I impressed myself,” which is the sort of thing that gives vintage queens a reason to hate the young ones. Pearl then went on to shade Sasha Belle for calling her out on the runway by quipping, “I’m pretty, and she looks like freaking John Goodman in a wig.” As Ginger Minj later said, we need an adult in here.
In swooped RuPaul to save us from another hissy fit. For the Mini Challenge, which felt like a challenge that would normally happen in the first episode of a season, the girls had to “give face, face, face” while the Pit Crew blew them … “With a leaf blower!” Ru added. On hand to guest-judge was Moby—MOBY?!?!—who looks like a daintier version of Kasha Davis. He said to Ru, “I feel sort of short and homeless standing next to you,” and of course Ru was unbelievably quick with the shade: “Well, and rightfully so.” We all bow down, and I remember to look up “South Side” by Moby featuring Gwen Stefani on YouTube. That was a catchy song.
The Mini Challenge came and went in a matter of seconds. Really, all it proved was that some queens’ lips become more blowup-doll-like than others when confronted with strong winds. Ginger Minj and Trixie win for making the funniest faces, so they get to be captains for the main challenge and choose their teams.
I’ll give leeway to the queens for being a bit sensitive about being chosen last—I’m sure that’s happened to every queen on the show and to almost everyone watching—but it was very telling which two ladies were left over: Violet Chachki and Kandy Ho. Both of them have a lot of strengths, but they also come with the stankest attitudes. Kandy said, “What the hell? They’re, like, underestimating what I can do,” in a way that suggested they weren’t underestimating her at all.
On Team Trixie, Violet immediately proved why she’s not a desirable teammate by snapping back at Trixie about every decision. The most hilarious part of Ru’s visits to the Werk Room is that she’s so good at uncovering all the queens’ B.S. When she asked Jaidynn if she’s ever done a spoken-word lip-synch, Jaidynn said she doesn’t THINK she’s done one before. When Ru asked Miss Fame if she’s ever acted, Miss Fame said, “Not yet. I mean, I’ve had some opportunities that could be considered, like, an entryway to acting but not to the degree that I’d like to see my future evolve into.” To which Ru simply responded, “Right, you just described a Craigslist ad.” Ru’s shade was on POINT tonight. But then again, she’s never NOT been on in 20 years, in the same way Violet is not NOT a dancer. Yeesh, an occasional “yes” or “no” might be nice, but I suppose drag queens are, by definition, draped in all sorts of ambiguities.
During rehearsals for the two teams’ lip-synched and choreographed Safety Pre-Flight Video for Glamazonian Airways, Team Minj seemed like it was in trouble because the two big girls weren’t delivering on the choreography. Team Trixie seemed to be buckling under the weight of its egos, as Pearl and Violet clashed over an opportunity to showcase the narrowness of Violet’s waist. “I have the smallest waist in RuPaul’s Drag Race history… I want people to SEE it!” said Violet with the intensity of Norma Desmond. Oy.
As the queens prepared for their performance, Ginger stealthily lobbed a shade grenade over the fence at Miss Fame, simply by saying something to the effect of, “I know you’re not a performer-performer…” Then Jasmine Masters saw blood and went in on Miss Fame, too, calling her a mannequin queen who stands there and looks pretty. Even Kennedy Davenport got in on it, too, while Jaidynn just laughed and laughed. Moments later, perhaps feeling a bit emotional, Miss Fame brought out old childhood pictures, including one of her late grandfather, who raised her was murdered when she was only 15. Damn. We’ve heard some sob stories on Drag Race, but Miss Fame’s really is one of the most heartbreaking. Not to minimize the tragedy in Miss Fame’s past, but I couldn’t get over how dead-eyed Violet looked and how unfeeling she sounded when she intoned, “It must be really hard to go through a lot… like that.” It looks like Pearl’s not the only robo-queen this season.
NEXT: Now for the main event!