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Royal Pains recap: Fly Me to Kowloon

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Giovanny Rufino/USA Network

Royal Pains

type:
TV Show
Current Status:
In Season
run date:
06/04/09
broadcaster:
USA Network
genre:
Comedy

Royal Pains has never been shy about playing up moments with that almost-unwatchable ick factor, but sometimes things look even realer than they have any right to, like with this week’s duo of weird procedure recipients, Boris and Win. Both of these gents are completely willing to sacrifice life and, apparently, limb to get their respective jobs done, and let’s just say they put their money — and, er, arms and fingers — where their mouths are to prove it.

Kudos to these guys for their bravery and willingness to tough through all the rough, but after this double dose of gross we might just need one of Divya’s little sickness exams ourselves. (How many different illnesses could a sudden onset of extreme nausea indicate anyway?)

#1: The white whale claims another hunter

You’d think having a name like Win means he’d be destined to do just that, but our newest friend/patient isn’t so lucky. The Air Force veteran-turned-reclamation specialist (the preferred euphemism for repo man, apparently) spends his days prowling for high ticket items that “uber-wealthy wannabes” impulsively bought but can’t pay for while in the check-out lanes at Yachts-R-Us.

This means he’s always ready with a handsaw to spring a plane from its chains when duty calls, and thanks to his aviation background, he even knows how to fly the thing off into the sunset, quite literally speaking, and then on to the bank where they can be auctioned off to settle those debts.

Problem is, Win’s constant exposure to metal fumes is giving him metal fume fever — which has some rather nasty symptoms, like a high body temp, neck stiffness, and crackling in the lungs. Not good. Divya, while doing her due diligence with the spinal tap, suspects he may even have meningitis and throws a mask on for her safety (and that of the baby BOY inside of her — cue the blue balloons, but shhh, don’t tell Raj!).

Win doesn’t want to go to the hospital — of course he doesn’t. He’s inches from recovering a big, fancy boat he’s been tracking for ages, and he’s not going to let it go that easily, nope. Too bad. Because if he did, he might have been able to avoid having his freaking finger cut off after passing out on the job. It’s his favorite finger, too — ya know, the one that flips birds at all the people he’s just reclaimed property from.

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Semi-good news? Fingers do actually float, it seems, so Div’s able to recover his digit from the sea and pack it on his cooler ice for replantation. Semi-bad news? He’s lost a lot of blood, and now he’s suffering cardiac tamponade, which means Divya’s gotta drain the area around his heart with an enormous (shudder!) needle right then and there on the beach while they wait for an ambulance. It’s a bad day when you lose a phalange and have a giant sharp object piercing your chest at the same time, by anyone’s standards. Price of doing a thrill job?

Needless to say, that slippery sea vessel’s staying put for a little while longer, and he’ll have to chase her down again some other time after he gets his middle finger sewn back in. Yikes.

NEXT: We’ve heard of faking a pee test before, but THIS?!

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